As I finish packing up for college for what will end up being the final time, I find myself becoming really sad that this isn't the place for me. ISU, as great of a school as it is, was not the right fit for me. I loved my classes and my studies, which is why it took me two years to figure it out, but I do not feel at home there. Nothing I did at school made me feel welcome, accepted, or truly special. It was, in the end, just too big. I could not find a group and fit in. I couldn't find my niche that made everything else not matter. I did not belong. And that's not really a statement about anything I did wrong, anything wrong with the school, or anything wrong with the people. I just chose the wrong school, and didn't figure out for too long. I don't know my professors, I don't know my fellow psychology students, I don't know anyone, really. I don't feel like I can change anything. I do not feel empowered. I feel like a number. And that's not the way anyone wants to feel.
I used to look at the fact that I was going to a big school and think that there were a lot of things I would learn at ISU that I couldn't learn at a small school. Things that would help me later in life. Things like how to guide myself through everything, how to figure it out on my own, how to motivate myself, how to succeed without incentive or outside motivation. And while I think the last one is still true, I also feel like a lot of those things are not good life lessons. When I go to grad school I will not be one in 27,000. I will be one in maybe 10 that that professor is working with. I will have guidance. I will have someone I can turn to for help. And I am not prepared for that. I do not know how to ask the right questions. I do not know how to work closely with professors. I do not know how to do research. I do not know how to communicate. I know how to study and read and occasionally write. When I graduate from grad school, I will not be one in 27,000. I will be a member of a team. I will work closely with other people of equal, higher, or lesser education and experience, and I have no idea how to do any of that. I know how to read and study and write.
In all, I do not feel prepared for life outside of college, and it terrifies and saddens me. If I could go and do it all over, I would have chosen a different school. Do not get me wrong, I have had some great moments at school I have made a few very good friends and many acquaintances at school. Some of them are friends I hope to keep forever. Some of them I know I will not speak to after I walk across the stage this spring.
I am graduating a year early. I am moving on with my life outside of college, and I am going to figure out how to do all of the things I wanted to learn in college that I never did learn. I am going to hopefully pursue AmeriCorps next year, and do something empowering and world-changing. I want to make a difference, something I could never do at school. I feel small and powerless. I feel defeated. And I refuse to put myself again and again back to the same place that makes me feel this way. I keep crying as I am packing because I wasted 3 years of my life at the wrong school. Things could have been so much different, and so much better had I just made a different choice 3 years ago. It may be too late to choose a different school, but it is not too late to change the future. Things will get better and I will change the world.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Friday, August 12, 2011
College Years
Today I started packing up to move back to college. Really, this first involved unpacking everything from when I moved home in December. As I dove through boxes and papers and grades and photos and letters and tokens of moments spent at college, I couldn't help but sob. Every one of these items was a memento to a time of my life that I am not sharing with my fiance. Every one of these items represents the life I gave up with him to indulge myself in education. Every one of these objects represents the opportunity cost of college. They represent nights held in his arms, and mornings starting off with kisses. They represent coming home from work together and sharing stories of our day as we cuddle on the couch watching the news. They represent hugs, kisses, days, weeks, months, years. They represent the comforts of seeing him every day except for deployments and TDYs.
These are supposed to be the greatest years of my life, but they are the hardest. They are the lost years. They are the years I chose to indulge myself rather than nurture my relationship. They are the years I chose to be selfish. They are the years spent waiting. They are the years spent holding the phone, not holding his hand. College for me will always be a black void of time that I didn't do everything I could have for the one I love. I know it's never too late to change things, but I also know that the boy wants me so much to be in school, and really, I want to be in school too, but I can be in school at any time. He signed a contract and gave his life to the government for 6 years. He can't choose where he lives or when he's home or when he's here or there. I however can choose. And knowing that I have that choice and that I've taken the selfish path for the past 2 years is hard, and even harder when looking at all the memories from those two years. Memories that will always be mine, not ours. Memories that will always be tainted with loneliness and longing. I am having a terrible time getting motivated to go back to school, and getting motivated to study and spend time with friends and be a college student. If I weren't headed to college, I would be headed to Germany, to welcome my boy home from his deployment. I may never know if I'm making the right choice, and I may always be burdened with "what ifs" and the knowledge of what could have been. I just hope I am strong enough to live with the consequences of the life I chose not to give us for now.
These are supposed to be the greatest years of my life, but they are the hardest. They are the lost years. They are the years I chose to indulge myself rather than nurture my relationship. They are the years I chose to be selfish. They are the years spent waiting. They are the years spent holding the phone, not holding his hand. College for me will always be a black void of time that I didn't do everything I could have for the one I love. I know it's never too late to change things, but I also know that the boy wants me so much to be in school, and really, I want to be in school too, but I can be in school at any time. He signed a contract and gave his life to the government for 6 years. He can't choose where he lives or when he's home or when he's here or there. I however can choose. And knowing that I have that choice and that I've taken the selfish path for the past 2 years is hard, and even harder when looking at all the memories from those two years. Memories that will always be mine, not ours. Memories that will always be tainted with loneliness and longing. I am having a terrible time getting motivated to go back to school, and getting motivated to study and spend time with friends and be a college student. If I weren't headed to college, I would be headed to Germany, to welcome my boy home from his deployment. I may never know if I'm making the right choice, and I may always be burdened with "what ifs" and the knowledge of what could have been. I just hope I am strong enough to live with the consequences of the life I chose not to give us for now.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Deployment from my view
I am a member of several online support groups for significant others of military men and women. Most of these groups are general groups, but some are the ones geared toward my fiance's job. I have started gravitating more and more to those groups. I am beginning to get frustratingly upset at everyone else. They don't get it. They don't know what it's like. So here it is, what it's like to be the fiancee of an EOD tech in the military.
First off, an explanation. EOD stands for Explosive Ordinance Disposal. This means that these men and women disarm and render safe IEDs, rockets, bombs, mines, and anything else that can, has, or should have exploded. Often this job is done by robots, but it does also involve going down. Right on the ordinance, and disarming it by hand. Sometimes his job involves going out on the scene after an IED explodes and gathering evidence on it to see who made it. Sometimes it involves looking for large weapon caches. Sometimes it involves conflicts with weapons engineers. Sometimes it involves doing any or all of this while being shot at. Have you seen the Hurt Locker? Don't tell the boy I said this, but that's basically what his job is (but he hates that movie so he'll never say so). Sound like fun? No, I don't think so either. It's considered one of the most dangerous jobs in the world.
So what's it like being the one left behind? Horrible. I'm so damn proud of that boy. Most people could never even think about doing something like what he is doing. But goddamn. It is the scariest thing in the world knowing what he does everyday, and knowing what could happen. Men and women lose their sight, lose their hearing, lose their limbs, and die in this career field every week. I haven't slept without nightmares a single night during this deployment. I forget what it's like not to panic. I get a call from his mother, and I automatically assume it's the worst news. I talk to him as much as I can because I don't know if I'll get tomorrow. I cry every day. I worry more than I thought it was possible to worry. He's only deployed for 6 months, but I guarantee you he is in more danger in those 6 months than most men are who deploy for a year.
My heart bursts with pride for him. He trained for two years to get to this point. He's worked his butt off, and I know he loves his job. He saves people. He disarms these ordinances so that they don't explode, so that they don't kill people, so that others may live. He is without a doubt my biggest hero, and my biggest inspiration. I could never do what he does, and most of us couldn't. He does his job so that others can do theirs. He is a hero. He is astounding. I admire him so much. I wish I had others who understood what this felt like. It's a terrible conflict between missing him terribly and wanting him home, and just being so damn proud and knowing he is saving the world. I love him, and admire him, but damn I want him home.
First off, an explanation. EOD stands for Explosive Ordinance Disposal. This means that these men and women disarm and render safe IEDs, rockets, bombs, mines, and anything else that can, has, or should have exploded. Often this job is done by robots, but it does also involve going down. Right on the ordinance, and disarming it by hand. Sometimes his job involves going out on the scene after an IED explodes and gathering evidence on it to see who made it. Sometimes it involves looking for large weapon caches. Sometimes it involves conflicts with weapons engineers. Sometimes it involves doing any or all of this while being shot at. Have you seen the Hurt Locker? Don't tell the boy I said this, but that's basically what his job is (but he hates that movie so he'll never say so). Sound like fun? No, I don't think so either. It's considered one of the most dangerous jobs in the world.
So what's it like being the one left behind? Horrible. I'm so damn proud of that boy. Most people could never even think about doing something like what he is doing. But goddamn. It is the scariest thing in the world knowing what he does everyday, and knowing what could happen. Men and women lose their sight, lose their hearing, lose their limbs, and die in this career field every week. I haven't slept without nightmares a single night during this deployment. I forget what it's like not to panic. I get a call from his mother, and I automatically assume it's the worst news. I talk to him as much as I can because I don't know if I'll get tomorrow. I cry every day. I worry more than I thought it was possible to worry. He's only deployed for 6 months, but I guarantee you he is in more danger in those 6 months than most men are who deploy for a year.
My heart bursts with pride for him. He trained for two years to get to this point. He's worked his butt off, and I know he loves his job. He saves people. He disarms these ordinances so that they don't explode, so that they don't kill people, so that others may live. He is without a doubt my biggest hero, and my biggest inspiration. I could never do what he does, and most of us couldn't. He does his job so that others can do theirs. He is a hero. He is astounding. I admire him so much. I wish I had others who understood what this felt like. It's a terrible conflict between missing him terribly and wanting him home, and just being so damn proud and knowing he is saving the world. I love him, and admire him, but damn I want him home.
Friday, July 15, 2011
America: A Reflection
I only left America for 4 months. Just four months spent in Spain, but somehow, in just 4 months, when I returned home, America shocked me.
America is intensely, and sometimes blindly, patriotic. Look down every block, you'll see a flag. If there's not one there, there will be the next block. It's intense. Flags flying every few houses, outside most government or city buildings, outside of car lots and restaurants. We fly flags around every corner. And really, what does that flag mean? What does that patriotism mean? From my perspective as an intensely liberal military fiancee, I feel like I am surrounded by definitions of patriotism that involve our military. And really, that's a huge turn off to many of us. I support our troops 100%. I do not support the war. I do not support any war. But I support the men and women in the United States Military. But the definitions of patriotism I hear most often revolve around government and military. And blindly following and supporting. That isn't patriotism. That is being a sheep.
I always find it funny when someone speaks out against the military, the responses of military significant others is always the same: "they are only able to say that because of the freedoms fought for by the military. In other countries they'd be shot." I have to wonder, how many women saying these things have really been abroad. In Spain, I heard people speaking out against their government and military actions every day. England, France, Germany. Almost every developed country has a very vocal and sometimes rather large group of people speaking out against military action. These people are not considered unpatriotic in other countries. Occasionally they are viewed as the most patriotic. They love their country enough to know that they can solve conflicts without war. Now, of course, there are many countries where speaking out against your government and military will get you killed: Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran, China, N Korea, etc. I know that it happens in a lot of under-developed nations. But, if your argument is going to be that in any other country you'd get arrested for speaking out against your military, you need to check out the rest of the world.
I hate that patriotism has become weapon. If you don't support the war, you are unpatriotic. If you speak out against government actions you are unpatriotic. I have heard people say if you do not sit on these party lines you are unpatriotic. Maybe I'm just a big hippie like everyone says I am, but patriotism to me is highly overrated. I do not need to connect myself to an arbitrary land mass. I am connected to the world, as the world is connected to me. My country represents not much more than the laws I follow and the societal norms I grew up with. I feel no strong ties to this land. I feel strong ties to people. But I am tied to all people. I find myself avoiding patriotic language, events, and symbols. Being connected to the military makes this position a hard one to hold. I am constantly being bombarded with patriotic symbolism. I find it hard to balance my ideals with my surroundings. I support the military. But I wish we didn't need it. And I sure don't think that the military has anything to do with patriotism.
I am an American. But more than that, I am a human. I am a world citizen. I am connected to the world.
America is intensely, and sometimes blindly, patriotic. Look down every block, you'll see a flag. If there's not one there, there will be the next block. It's intense. Flags flying every few houses, outside most government or city buildings, outside of car lots and restaurants. We fly flags around every corner. And really, what does that flag mean? What does that patriotism mean? From my perspective as an intensely liberal military fiancee, I feel like I am surrounded by definitions of patriotism that involve our military. And really, that's a huge turn off to many of us. I support our troops 100%. I do not support the war. I do not support any war. But I support the men and women in the United States Military. But the definitions of patriotism I hear most often revolve around government and military. And blindly following and supporting. That isn't patriotism. That is being a sheep.
I always find it funny when someone speaks out against the military, the responses of military significant others is always the same: "they are only able to say that because of the freedoms fought for by the military. In other countries they'd be shot." I have to wonder, how many women saying these things have really been abroad. In Spain, I heard people speaking out against their government and military actions every day. England, France, Germany. Almost every developed country has a very vocal and sometimes rather large group of people speaking out against military action. These people are not considered unpatriotic in other countries. Occasionally they are viewed as the most patriotic. They love their country enough to know that they can solve conflicts without war. Now, of course, there are many countries where speaking out against your government and military will get you killed: Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran, China, N Korea, etc. I know that it happens in a lot of under-developed nations. But, if your argument is going to be that in any other country you'd get arrested for speaking out against your military, you need to check out the rest of the world.
I hate that patriotism has become weapon. If you don't support the war, you are unpatriotic. If you speak out against government actions you are unpatriotic. I have heard people say if you do not sit on these party lines you are unpatriotic. Maybe I'm just a big hippie like everyone says I am, but patriotism to me is highly overrated. I do not need to connect myself to an arbitrary land mass. I am connected to the world, as the world is connected to me. My country represents not much more than the laws I follow and the societal norms I grew up with. I feel no strong ties to this land. I feel strong ties to people. But I am tied to all people. I find myself avoiding patriotic language, events, and symbols. Being connected to the military makes this position a hard one to hold. I am constantly being bombarded with patriotic symbolism. I find it hard to balance my ideals with my surroundings. I support the military. But I wish we didn't need it. And I sure don't think that the military has anything to do with patriotism.
I am an American. But more than that, I am a human. I am a world citizen. I am connected to the world.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Looking Up
This summer has been hard. Very hard. And those who have died are still dead, and the things that hurt still hurt, but I have finally managed to find hope again. And hope came from two little, crazy, kids, age 5 and 6.
I spent Saturday with the boy's family. His mother, stepfather, sister, brother, brother's girlfriend, brother's kids, and grandparents. Of course, it was sad that the boy couldn't be there, but he did get to Skype with us and watch his nephews open gifts. I don't think he could hear a single thing they said, as they screamed and ran around the whole time, but I know he loved seeing them.
His nephews are absolutely adorable. At one point, I was sitting in the office talking to the boy, and his older nephew (6) came in and sat on my lap to talk to the boy. The kid was squirmy and all over the place conversation wise, but seeing the boy's face when he got to talk to his nephew was absolutely priceless. His eyes just lit up, and he smiled more than I'd seen him smile in weeks. It was the happiest I'd seen him most of this deployment, and it was a wonderful thing to witness. I know the boy loves me and it makes his day every time we talk, but he and I are so lucky to be able to speak nearly every day. He hasn't spoken to his nephews in so long. And the few times he speaks to them, they're so excited and screaming and running around and he can't really get a conversation going, so to see him actually have a conversation with his nephew was precious.
His nephews and I continued to play and hang out the rest of the evening. At night, we all watched a movie, and afterwards I headed home. I hugged and kissed both boys before leaving, telling them goodbye and I would miss them. The oldest boy said "I've missed you every day!" which was adorable, especially since I only just met them at Christmas. As I left the house, the garage door into the house opened back up and both boys were running out after me screaming "I LOVE YOU AUNT ELLYN!" I swear, my heart melted. They told me they loved me, and they called me their aunt even though legally I am not a part of the family, and I swear I about died of cuteness. It was a wonderful ending to the day.
Tomorrow, I start therapy. It's a really great step forward from this slump I've been in. I need it for a lot of things I've talked about before, and a lot of things I will never put in the public's eye, but I know that this is a really good step forward for me, and I am excited to take it.
I guess, I've found hope in all this darkness. And it doesn't undo the horrors that have happened, and it doesn't take away the missing and the pain, but it's the knowledge that maybe I can get better, even if the situation doesn't.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Everything Hurts
I probably shouldn't write right now. I'm not in a good place. But I'm going to anyway. Because maybe this is what needs to happen. Maybe I need to remind myself how much it hurts sometimes, and also because I need to remind myself that it gets better, too. So I know, emotions go all sorts of ways, and I can hurt like hell, but I can also float on Cloud 9. I just happen to be at the hurting like hell stage right now.
As I stated in another post, I have had the summer from hell. Another death has been added to that tally. I am in several support groups online for girlfriends, boyfriends, fiances, and spouses of military members. Today, one of those girl's fiance was killed in action in Afghanistan. I just can't handle this anymore. No more. No more. Just come home, already. This war is stupid and unnecessary. This war needs to end. I know I do not know this girl or boy in real life. I talked to her quite a bit outside of that group, but I did not know her personally. I knew her only as the depressed, lonely, anxious fiancee of a US Army Soldier. Her fiance was supposed to be home a month ago. The Army extended his deployment for another month. He was supposed to be home within 2 weeks. He almost made it. He should have made it. He did his time, and the Army extended it. He was supposed to be home already. It wasn't supposed to happen.
Sometimes, I go on to the Department of Defense website. I read the news announcements, where they announce the deaths of service members KIA. I read those names, countless names. Names of men and women I don't know. Whose friends and family I don't know. Who, seemingly, have no impact on my life. But they do. I read these names, and I weep. They are all my heroes. I often think that the military anymore is not a big protective force of our nation. We spend far too much money inefficiently in the military. We send thousands of men and women into dangerous combat missions without the proper equipment, while others are getting issued yet another free camera. We send men and women into combat for 7 months, and then keep them there for 9. We promise them health insurance, and then make them work (not deployed) while they're throwing up from the flu. We give them shots for things no part of the world has seen in decades, but can't give them nyquil. We promise them time with their family, but only if their family meets our definition of one: man, woman, and married. The military is inefficient, and overly, ridiculously bureaucratic. I don't agree with a lot of the crap the military does. But despite all of that, I honor and respect all of the service members. Whether it was patriotism, the desperate desire to get out, or the need to feel like they are doing something worthwhile with their life that drove them to join the military, I do not care the reasoning. They are all my heroes. I may not feel like they're fighting a worthwhile war. I may not agree with the politics of the military at all. But that doesn't matter, and I think that's something a lot of people get confused about. I support and honor the troops so much, but that doesn't mean I support the war. I hate that the military has been stolen by conservatives and war hawks as a "support the war" thing. No. Support the men and women who made the choice to serve the country. Support their families who wait and worry and pray for them. Support those who will never feel the touch of their loved one again. Support the members, even if you don't support the organization, and realize the difference.
As I stated in another post, I have had the summer from hell. Another death has been added to that tally. I am in several support groups online for girlfriends, boyfriends, fiances, and spouses of military members. Today, one of those girl's fiance was killed in action in Afghanistan. I just can't handle this anymore. No more. No more. Just come home, already. This war is stupid and unnecessary. This war needs to end. I know I do not know this girl or boy in real life. I talked to her quite a bit outside of that group, but I did not know her personally. I knew her only as the depressed, lonely, anxious fiancee of a US Army Soldier. Her fiance was supposed to be home a month ago. The Army extended his deployment for another month. He was supposed to be home within 2 weeks. He almost made it. He should have made it. He did his time, and the Army extended it. He was supposed to be home already. It wasn't supposed to happen.
Sometimes, I go on to the Department of Defense website. I read the news announcements, where they announce the deaths of service members KIA. I read those names, countless names. Names of men and women I don't know. Whose friends and family I don't know. Who, seemingly, have no impact on my life. But they do. I read these names, and I weep. They are all my heroes. I often think that the military anymore is not a big protective force of our nation. We spend far too much money inefficiently in the military. We send thousands of men and women into dangerous combat missions without the proper equipment, while others are getting issued yet another free camera. We send men and women into combat for 7 months, and then keep them there for 9. We promise them health insurance, and then make them work (not deployed) while they're throwing up from the flu. We give them shots for things no part of the world has seen in decades, but can't give them nyquil. We promise them time with their family, but only if their family meets our definition of one: man, woman, and married. The military is inefficient, and overly, ridiculously bureaucratic. I don't agree with a lot of the crap the military does. But despite all of that, I honor and respect all of the service members. Whether it was patriotism, the desperate desire to get out, or the need to feel like they are doing something worthwhile with their life that drove them to join the military, I do not care the reasoning. They are all my heroes. I may not feel like they're fighting a worthwhile war. I may not agree with the politics of the military at all. But that doesn't matter, and I think that's something a lot of people get confused about. I support and honor the troops so much, but that doesn't mean I support the war. I hate that the military has been stolen by conservatives and war hawks as a "support the war" thing. No. Support the men and women who made the choice to serve the country. Support their families who wait and worry and pray for them. Support those who will never feel the touch of their loved one again. Support the members, even if you don't support the organization, and realize the difference.
Monday, June 6, 2011
The Military Rant
Talk to any military wife, girlfriend, or fiance, and they will all tell you about their "I hate the military" days. We all have them. We all wish our significant others could be closer, safer, in our arms. We all miss them, and worry about them, and everything else expected. However, for me at least, there is more to these "I hate the military" days than just that.
Preface: This does not mean I actually hate the military. I love, support, and honor our service men and women with all my heart. They are all my heroes, and all some of the strongest men and women in the world. We all owe them a lot, and I admire them so very much.
I was speaking to the boy today, and we were talking about his friend's death. I kept insisting that I not cry, and be strong, and deal with it in the same way he has to deal with it: by pretending it doesn't exist and not crying. He finally said that he needed me to be weak because he does not have that option. He has to be strong. If he is weak, then the person next to him is weak, and the person next to them is weak, and that kind of weakness leads to deaths. He said that they make that sacrifice to save lives. He then went on to say that I need to exercise my right to feel. And I need to mourn his friend's death, because he cannot. One of us has to feel, and by me mourning, it is doing justice to the death.
And that is when it struck me. All that is wrong with the military. All that is wrong with this world. To them, crying is weak. To them, loving and mourning are weak. This is wrong. If anyone ever tries to tell you this, I assure you that they are wrong. Love is the strongest thing in the world, and someone who has the ability to love and mourn and miss and cry are the strongest people in the world. Those who have lost the ability to love and mourn and feel are the weak ones. Love is the strongest thing in the world. If you mourn for someone, it means you loved them. If you miss someone, it means you loved them. If you can no longer do those things, you are weak. And that is the military's biggest downfall. They do not understand strength. I do. I mourn, and worry, and cry, and feel. I know that all these things hurt me, but they are my biggest strength. I can feel, and love, despite all the horrors in the world. I can love. And that is my strength. Love conquers all.
Preface: This does not mean I actually hate the military. I love, support, and honor our service men and women with all my heart. They are all my heroes, and all some of the strongest men and women in the world. We all owe them a lot, and I admire them so very much.
I was speaking to the boy today, and we were talking about his friend's death. I kept insisting that I not cry, and be strong, and deal with it in the same way he has to deal with it: by pretending it doesn't exist and not crying. He finally said that he needed me to be weak because he does not have that option. He has to be strong. If he is weak, then the person next to him is weak, and the person next to them is weak, and that kind of weakness leads to deaths. He said that they make that sacrifice to save lives. He then went on to say that I need to exercise my right to feel. And I need to mourn his friend's death, because he cannot. One of us has to feel, and by me mourning, it is doing justice to the death.
And that is when it struck me. All that is wrong with the military. All that is wrong with this world. To them, crying is weak. To them, loving and mourning are weak. This is wrong. If anyone ever tries to tell you this, I assure you that they are wrong. Love is the strongest thing in the world, and someone who has the ability to love and mourn and miss and cry are the strongest people in the world. Those who have lost the ability to love and mourn and feel are the weak ones. Love is the strongest thing in the world. If you mourn for someone, it means you loved them. If you miss someone, it means you loved them. If you can no longer do those things, you are weak. And that is the military's biggest downfall. They do not understand strength. I do. I mourn, and worry, and cry, and feel. I know that all these things hurt me, but they are my biggest strength. I can feel, and love, despite all the horrors in the world. I can love. And that is my strength. Love conquers all.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
The saddest summer
So I have been home for about 2-3 weeks now. I know, still, I have neglected about the last month of travel updates in this blog, and well, I don't know when they'll come. There are so many more pressing issues. Like life. And I need to discuss those more than my travels. This is much more than a travel blog. If you were here to read my wonderful European adventures, you might want to stop reading now. I don't know where this will go from here, but I don't know if it will go back to Europe.
The day that I got back to the States, tragedy struck at home. A death occurred in a friend's family, and it was incredibly sad. I was stuck in airports all through the night, and didn't find out until the boy called me around midnight to tell me (I was supposed to find out way earlier, but I suck and didn't call someone back way earlier) so I couldn't call my friend to say anything at that point. I didn't know what to do. I was lost, and broken hearted for her. I tried to call her several times throughout the next few days, and eventually got to see her, and then there was the visitation and the funeral, and it was hard and it was sad, and I just wanted to do more, but I guess sometimes you just can't.
For the next week my life was dealing with what happened, trying to be there for my friends, and trying to find a job, all while adjusting to America again, and trying to catch up with friends.
Then, about a week ago, tragedy struck again. One of the boy's great friends was killed in action in Afghanistan. I had met him once, and he was truly a great guy, and it hit me really hard when he died. Since then I have had to strike this balance between dealing with it myself and keeping myself strong through the rest of this deployment, and having to be the rock for the boy. I have to keep him strong and positive and I can't let him dwell on it too much, because it's dangerous. I went to the funeral on Saturday, and aside from letting my fiance go off to war, I think it was the single hardest thing I've ever done. They spoke about his military service and that he does his job so that others can do theirs, and I lost it, because the boy says the same thing. At the cemetery the other men from his field put their badges on the casket and I lost it. I turned around, sobbing, unable to watch. The boy's family was their too. His mom tried to tell me that the boy will be home soon, and he's safe, and I guess it wasn't really the point. Because my boy may come home again soon, but this boy won't. His wife welcomed him home in a casket, not with a warm embrace. And it just broke my heart to see, first hand, the tragedies of war. I have lived a lot of hardships because of the war, but this was the first KIA funeral I had attended, and it broke me. I hope no one ever has to experience another KIA funeral. I just want this all over, and I want all of them home safe, and I don't ever want to watch someone else die too young because of war.
So now I'm here, weak and broken, and trying to keep it all together for just 3 more months until the boy is safe at home. I don't know how to do a second deployment. I don't know how to watch other friends or acquaintances die at the hands of war. I don't know how to watch other friends deal with tragedy. I don't know how to hold myself together right now. I'm trying my best, but I might be tried more now than ever before.
The day that I got back to the States, tragedy struck at home. A death occurred in a friend's family, and it was incredibly sad. I was stuck in airports all through the night, and didn't find out until the boy called me around midnight to tell me (I was supposed to find out way earlier, but I suck and didn't call someone back way earlier) so I couldn't call my friend to say anything at that point. I didn't know what to do. I was lost, and broken hearted for her. I tried to call her several times throughout the next few days, and eventually got to see her, and then there was the visitation and the funeral, and it was hard and it was sad, and I just wanted to do more, but I guess sometimes you just can't.
For the next week my life was dealing with what happened, trying to be there for my friends, and trying to find a job, all while adjusting to America again, and trying to catch up with friends.
Then, about a week ago, tragedy struck again. One of the boy's great friends was killed in action in Afghanistan. I had met him once, and he was truly a great guy, and it hit me really hard when he died. Since then I have had to strike this balance between dealing with it myself and keeping myself strong through the rest of this deployment, and having to be the rock for the boy. I have to keep him strong and positive and I can't let him dwell on it too much, because it's dangerous. I went to the funeral on Saturday, and aside from letting my fiance go off to war, I think it was the single hardest thing I've ever done. They spoke about his military service and that he does his job so that others can do theirs, and I lost it, because the boy says the same thing. At the cemetery the other men from his field put their badges on the casket and I lost it. I turned around, sobbing, unable to watch. The boy's family was their too. His mom tried to tell me that the boy will be home soon, and he's safe, and I guess it wasn't really the point. Because my boy may come home again soon, but this boy won't. His wife welcomed him home in a casket, not with a warm embrace. And it just broke my heart to see, first hand, the tragedies of war. I have lived a lot of hardships because of the war, but this was the first KIA funeral I had attended, and it broke me. I hope no one ever has to experience another KIA funeral. I just want this all over, and I want all of them home safe, and I don't ever want to watch someone else die too young because of war.
So now I'm here, weak and broken, and trying to keep it all together for just 3 more months until the boy is safe at home. I don't know how to do a second deployment. I don't know how to watch other friends or acquaintances die at the hands of war. I don't know how to watch other friends deal with tragedy. I don't know how to hold myself together right now. I'm trying my best, but I might be tried more now than ever before.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Love and War
Yes, I have been travelling, I went on Spring Break that has yet to be blogged about, but the world has happened, and there are more important things to talk about. So this is another break from my Spanish blog to speak about world events.
I woke up this morning way too early (8 am) and decided, since I was awake, to see if my boy was online to talk. He was not, but I did find about a million Facebook posts, photos, and videos of Osama Bin Laden's death, and the celebration that ensued afterwards at ISU and campuses nationwide. My first and overwhelming emotion was fear. What does this mean for the war my boy's fighting? What does this mean for his, and every other person in Afghanistan and Iraq's safety? Their leader is dead. They won't sit by silently. They will not fold and quit. I fear that this means a hunt for retaliation. I fear it deeply and passionately. I fear for my baby's safety, and the safety of every other service member abroad.
After fear subsided slightly, at least enough to let in some other emotions, I felt sad. Not persay that Bin Laden is dead. I know the horrors he has caused this country. It was his leadership and his plans that sent friends, families, and loved ones to war. It was his leadership and plans that killed thousands on September 11. It is his leadership that has killed thousands in the wars that followed. I know the horrors this man has caused. I live in the horrors of the aftermath of his leadership, as my fiance fights this war. I know, and appreciate, the terrors of the reign of Osama Bin Laden. But the celebrations that ensued, the unity and joy that I witnessed through videos and photos from home brought deep sadness to my heart. Watching the world united by the death of another human being tears at my soul. Is death something we should ever celebrate? Is it ever okay to hear news of a fellow human's death and hoop and holler and rally and celebrate? Do we really want to be united under death?
I truly believe that there is no such thing as a bad person in this world. I truly believe that every human being has worth and value. We do not always recognize it, as we come from different cultures, different backgrounds, different experiences, and different beliefs. Also, I know that every human makes mistakes. I am not saying we are perfect, but we are good. I do not understand the actions of Bin Laden. I do not condone or honor the things he has done. I cry for those who have died, and those who go to war in the aftermath of his actions. It breaks my soul to see hatred spread in this world. But, I do think that every human has worth. Every human has value. And it makes me unbearably sad to watch my nation and my world come together and unite under the death of another human being.
America, reevaluate this celebration. Make sure it is for the right reasons. Do we celebrate because we feel we are a step closer to peace? Or do we celebrate for death and war? Honor those who serve, respect the troops and the work they do every day. But do not celebrate death and destruction. Do not celebrate war. Celebrate love. Celebrate peace. And pray that this truly does bring us closer to it, and not further away. I love this country and this world, and I patiently await the day we are united as a world, in peace and love, and not in war and hate. Wait for that day, as I know it will come. I truly believe in the power of love.
I woke up this morning way too early (8 am) and decided, since I was awake, to see if my boy was online to talk. He was not, but I did find about a million Facebook posts, photos, and videos of Osama Bin Laden's death, and the celebration that ensued afterwards at ISU and campuses nationwide. My first and overwhelming emotion was fear. What does this mean for the war my boy's fighting? What does this mean for his, and every other person in Afghanistan and Iraq's safety? Their leader is dead. They won't sit by silently. They will not fold and quit. I fear that this means a hunt for retaliation. I fear it deeply and passionately. I fear for my baby's safety, and the safety of every other service member abroad.
After fear subsided slightly, at least enough to let in some other emotions, I felt sad. Not persay that Bin Laden is dead. I know the horrors he has caused this country. It was his leadership and his plans that sent friends, families, and loved ones to war. It was his leadership and plans that killed thousands on September 11. It is his leadership that has killed thousands in the wars that followed. I know the horrors this man has caused. I live in the horrors of the aftermath of his leadership, as my fiance fights this war. I know, and appreciate, the terrors of the reign of Osama Bin Laden. But the celebrations that ensued, the unity and joy that I witnessed through videos and photos from home brought deep sadness to my heart. Watching the world united by the death of another human being tears at my soul. Is death something we should ever celebrate? Is it ever okay to hear news of a fellow human's death and hoop and holler and rally and celebrate? Do we really want to be united under death?
I truly believe that there is no such thing as a bad person in this world. I truly believe that every human being has worth and value. We do not always recognize it, as we come from different cultures, different backgrounds, different experiences, and different beliefs. Also, I know that every human makes mistakes. I am not saying we are perfect, but we are good. I do not understand the actions of Bin Laden. I do not condone or honor the things he has done. I cry for those who have died, and those who go to war in the aftermath of his actions. It breaks my soul to see hatred spread in this world. But, I do think that every human has worth. Every human has value. And it makes me unbearably sad to watch my nation and my world come together and unite under the death of another human being.
America, reevaluate this celebration. Make sure it is for the right reasons. Do we celebrate because we feel we are a step closer to peace? Or do we celebrate for death and war? Honor those who serve, respect the troops and the work they do every day. But do not celebrate death and destruction. Do not celebrate war. Celebrate love. Celebrate peace. And pray that this truly does bring us closer to it, and not further away. I love this country and this world, and I patiently await the day we are united as a world, in peace and love, and not in war and hate. Wait for that day, as I know it will come. I truly believe in the power of love.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Classes? Eh, let's travel instead!
While this weekend I am not traveling, this week was full of trips. Monday we took a group trip (minus one: she was too late) to a national park about an hour outside of Caceres called Manfrague. Unfortunately I forgot my camera, so no pictures will be included from this. As most things on this program, it was really poor planned and communicated. We had no idea what to expect. Turns out what really happened was we hooked up with some ecology class field trip. First we stopped at some random point along the road and took pictures/looked at a huge rocky cliff and a river for an hour. It was really pretty and very cool, but an hour was a bit much. During this time frame we also got yelled at to be quiet so the professor could listen to the birds. After that we took the bus up a hill only to be dropped off to climb a mountain and reach a castle. The walk was mildly (extremely) exhausting, but once we got to the top we got an awesome view of the beautiful park and got to see the old castle. The castle was also scary because when we went up to the top there were no ledges or anything. Just a painted red line that you aren't supposed to cross. Yeah, that's going to protect me to falling off the mountain and down the cliff. Not. After spending some time at the castle, we took a back way down, hiking style. Now, let me tell you, I am not a nature girl, I am awkward, uncoordinated, and unbalanced. This was not my thing. But it was pretty, and I didn't fall, so that's good.
Once we got back down we ate lunch/wasted time. Then we walked through a museum thing, and went back to the same river/cliff spot we'd been at earlier. I don't know why, in this very large national park, we only got to see the same spot, but whatever. After that we headed home. Overall a very good day trip.
Tuesday we had one strenuous day of class after a 4 day weekend. Wednesday we took a day trip to the city of Salamanca, approximately 2 hours north of Caceres. It was absolutely beautiful. I loved it. We got a guided tour first, going into a cathedral and the first University building and walking around a little. After our tour we got to eat lunch and have free time. My lunch was highly disappointing: two bocadillos (sandwiches) both with mold. Needless to say I did not eat them. I instead indulged in a lunch of potato chips and cookies. Healthy, no? Delicious? Yes.
After lunch my friends and I walked around. Some of them were very tired, so they took a siesta in a park, while my other friend and I went to see the sky or heaven. No clue, it's the same word in Spanish. Basically it's a domed painting of the sky with consolations. It was pretty cool. After that we hooked up with 2 other girls, took pictures, and walked around before meeting back up with the whole group to head home. It was great trip, and I really enjoyed Salamanca.
Thursday we returned to our second and final day of classes for the week. Is this college? I don't know, but I approve!
Love from Spain
Once we got back down we ate lunch/wasted time. Then we walked through a museum thing, and went back to the same river/cliff spot we'd been at earlier. I don't know why, in this very large national park, we only got to see the same spot, but whatever. After that we headed home. Overall a very good day trip.
Tuesday we had one strenuous day of class after a 4 day weekend. Wednesday we took a day trip to the city of Salamanca, approximately 2 hours north of Caceres. It was absolutely beautiful. I loved it. We got a guided tour first, going into a cathedral and the first University building and walking around a little. After our tour we got to eat lunch and have free time. My lunch was highly disappointing: two bocadillos (sandwiches) both with mold. Needless to say I did not eat them. I instead indulged in a lunch of potato chips and cookies. Healthy, no? Delicious? Yes.
After lunch my friends and I walked around. Some of them were very tired, so they took a siesta in a park, while my other friend and I went to see the sky or heaven. No clue, it's the same word in Spanish. Basically it's a domed painting of the sky with consolations. It was pretty cool. After that we hooked up with 2 other girls, took pictures, and walked around before meeting back up with the whole group to head home. It was great trip, and I really enjoyed Salamanca.
Thursday we returned to our second and final day of classes for the week. Is this college? I don't know, but I approve!
Love from Spain
Friday, April 1, 2011
A Much Needed Night
This weekend I took a weekend off from the adventures and remained in Caceres. Last night we went to some Primevera Fiesta (Spring Party) and it was very flashback to Iowa. We took a bus out to a field and drank the alcohol that we had brought there. There were hundreds of people there, blasting music in their cars and just hanging out. It was quite strange. It was fun, but only because of the people I was with, and not because of the actual fiesta. The actual fiesta was lame.
Today, I chilled all day. I slept in, did a little homework, and planned a trip to Amsterdam in May. Tonight I went with almost the entire group to climb the mountain and watch the sunset. After that we built ourselves a baby fire pit (as in a circle of stones), collected logs and sticks, and made ourselves a very respectable fire on the mountain. It was really cool. We picnicked and then made S'mores. Then we just hung out, talked, and sat around the fire. It was really chill, but one of the most fun I've had in Caceres. I just loved that it was almost our entire group, and we all just get along so well and can talk and hang out and most of us never knew each other before we got here 2 months ago. It's pretty cool how close people become so quickly in situations like this. I've been dealing with a lot of personal stuff lately with the boy's deployment and just life. It was nice to have a chill, easy-going, relaxing night of bonding and talking. I am so lucky to be in the beautiful place with these beautiful people!
Love from Spain
Today, I chilled all day. I slept in, did a little homework, and planned a trip to Amsterdam in May. Tonight I went with almost the entire group to climb the mountain and watch the sunset. After that we built ourselves a baby fire pit (as in a circle of stones), collected logs and sticks, and made ourselves a very respectable fire on the mountain. It was really cool. We picnicked and then made S'mores. Then we just hung out, talked, and sat around the fire. It was really chill, but one of the most fun I've had in Caceres. I just loved that it was almost our entire group, and we all just get along so well and can talk and hang out and most of us never knew each other before we got here 2 months ago. It's pretty cool how close people become so quickly in situations like this. I've been dealing with a lot of personal stuff lately with the boy's deployment and just life. It was nice to have a chill, easy-going, relaxing night of bonding and talking. I am so lucky to be in the beautiful place with these beautiful people!
Love from Spain
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
The best trip + Birthday fun!
This weekend I went on the best trip so far to Lisbon, Portugal. We took an overnight train to Lisboa, and, with a time change we didn't anticipate, ended up in Lisbon at 7:45 am Portugal time, 8:45 am Spanish time, 2:45 am Iowa time. Confused yet?
We ate our breakfast in the train station, and then set out on what was to be our first lousy encounter with Portuguese public transportation. We had weird directions to our hostel, which is really a bungalow (there will be discussion of my feelings on this to come) and we didn't know which bus to take. I had directions saying from the airport take bus 750, and my friend had directions saying to take 750 to our hostel, but 714 back. Really, does 714 only go one way? That makes no sense. After consulting a map, realizing we had no idea where the airport was so that option was out of the running, and also realizing that their maps were about as confusing as possible, we decided to just walk and try our luck. After far too long, we found bus 714! We ran to catch up with it, hopped on, and the bus driver stared at us like we were stupid. After all 7 of us are crowded in the doorway of the bus he finally says "I go up there (points up the street) and stop." Fuck you one way busses. You make no sense. Discouraged and tired and grumpy from carrying our backpacks, we group-huddled it up, and decided to just take a taxi. This ended up being the best idea, since split 3 ways the taxi was only 50 cents more than the bus would have been, a lot faster, and a hell of a lot more convenient.
We got out to our hostel, located in a national park, and checked in around 10 am. Yeah, we wasted that much time getting there. So anyway, checked in and made our way to our bungalow. Now, I am SO not an outdoorsy girl. I hate bugs, I hate the gross humidity, I hate being far away from everything and mostly I hate bugs. So yeah, this was not my cup of tea. But my friends were so excited for this bungalow deal, so I went along with it, and tried so hard to be a good sport all weekend. This got tested Saturday night when a dead spider (didn't know it was dead) fell from the bathroom ceiling, nearly landed on me, and then I couldn't open the bathroom door. It was also tested Friday night when a beatle scurried across the floor near me. I tried so hard, dammit. I apologize to all my friends for my disdain of nature.
So anyway, we settled in, made a game plan, and actually caught a bus into Lisbon! Oh wait, it wasn't that easy. First, the bus passed us as we sat in the bus shelter (oh, sorry, was that not where we were supposed to wait for the bus?) so we had to wait another 20 minutes for the next one. Wow, this is convenient. When we got to Lisbon we went to a train station (weren't we just there? No, it's a different one) to go to Sintra, a nearby town that we'd heard was amazing. So we walked in and started buying tickets. It struck us that the station was oddly empty for 11 am, but we just tried to make the fickle machines work. One of my friends put in a large bill and in attempting to get change back, the machine ran out of coins (note: she was getting 45 euros back. In coins. Shitty luck) so she got a receipt that told her to come back tomorrow to get her change, but, not reading Portuguese none of us knew this until a nice man came up and asked us if we needed help (which we obviously did, because at this point we were trying to explain to a janitor at the train station what happened, but we spoke English and Spanish, and she only spoke Portuguese, so it was failing) and he explained that the train company was on strike that day, so we would have to come back tomorrow to get her change. The rest of us proceeded to buy tickets (with exact change only at this point) and made our way up to the platform. Thanks to the strike, however, that was a very wasted 4 euro, because we could have made it to the platform without tickets, and no one ever checked them. So that was great. Then, also thanks to the strike, the trains were unpredictable, so our 12:20 train ended up not existing and we took the 12:40 train.
After that confusion, we ended up in Sintra. I can only describe Sintra as a fairytale. It was absolutely the most beautiful place in the world. It was almost unreal how pretty it was. We walked around some attempting to find a tourism office, and on our way saw the beautiful town and tried some cherry liquor in a chocolate cup! It tasted like a chocolate covered cherry! After that, and some leisurely walking, we arrived at the tourism office. The extremely helpful man pointed out all the palaces in Sintra (4) and prices. The most famous, the Palacio de Pena, was a 4 euro bus ride and 9 euro entrance fee away, but two of my friends and I decided it was worth it while the others stayed to walk around the city. After getting lost on our way to the bus stop, we hopped on a bus, paid for our tickets, and walked through a beautiful park on our way up to the palace. We admired the view from the palace and the outside of it for awhile before heading inside. It was absolutely beautiful. It was also relatively new, as far as palaces go, since the last person to lived there lived there only 100 years ago. The walls were brightly colored, the furniture was ornate and amazing, and the artwork was awesome. It was rich and eloquent, but also warm and welcoming. I absolutely loved it.
After we were done at the palace, we decided to take a winding walk through the parks to get back out and meet our friends at 6. The parks were absolutely amazing. We found beautiful flowers, amazing ponds, and a duck house (yeah, you tell me, because I don't know). It was just so beautiful. When we got out it was about 5:55, and we knew we'd be late to meet our friends, but not by much. Right outside the gate, however, was a sign saying that the last bus left at 5:50! We were a little upset at that, because let me tell you, it wasn't a short walk into town. However, after talking to a worker, we discovered the sign lied, and the bus should be coming around 6, and the last bus was at 6:40. What he really meant, however, was that the next and last bus came at 6:40. We sat and had a lovely chat, but were definitely way late to meeting our friends. When we made it back into town, we had coffee and french fries (nice combination) and then decided to buy groceries there so we could just go back to Lisbon, straight to our hostel, and cook dinner. We found a little market, but they were closing shop right as we arrived. The amazing man reopened just for us! We bought pasta, vegetables, and cake, and I am willing to bet he gave us discounts on stuff too, because my 1.45 euro chips and 1 euro candy bar equalled 2 euro. Work that one out. The amazingly nice man taught us a little Portuguese (goodnight, good day, etc) and we headed home.
The train ride was smooth, and we were lucky enough to catch bus 750 from right oustside the station! As we were nearing the edge of town, the driver stopped, however, and told us to all get off! We were confused, as we knew there were more stops (like our hostel, sir) but he informed us that it was the end of his shift and we would have to get on the next bus and pay for another ticket. The next bus, however, didn't seem to want to come, so, being tired and hungry, again we resorted to taxis.
Apon arrival in our hostel we cooked dinner, relaxed, talked, and went to bed. I slept with creepy crawly feeling all night. Did I mention I'm not an outdoorsy girl?
Saturday morning we had a leisurely breakfast and made our way into the city. We wanted to find a market, but didn't know exactly where it was. We did know, however, that we had to find a church to indicate the correct street. There are a lot churches in Lisbon, this didn't help much. On our way we saw a sign for free samples of port wine in a shop, so we stopped in and had some. We asked the women in the shop for directions, they pointed out the way to go, and narrowed down our church search to a white church. This also proved not to help, as we passed 3 white churches before finding the correct one, and eventually the market. We spent awhile there, and then headed to lunch. After lunch it started to rain, so we decided to make our way to the train station to get my friend's change, and a tourism office, to find out what to do. We stumbled on a Starbucks as the rain picked up, and hurried inside for warmth. This ended up being a great decision, because it turned out that this Starbucks was also in the train station! We got the change, had some coffee, and waited for the rain to subside before heading to the tourism office. They told us almost everything was free on Sunday, so we postponed all touristy things until the next day, and decided we really wanted to see a Fado, which is a dinner and show thing where the sing to you as you eat. We went and made reservations at a Fado restaurant, and then decided to take a trolley ride. The trolley ride was fun, but out in the middle of nowhere (as in nowhere close to where we wanted to be) he stopped, made us all get off, buy new tickets, and get back on. That made sense.
We rode the trolley back into the center of the city and then went to find an elevator tower thing to see the city at night. My friend had done research and knew of a way to get in for free, so we took and adventure and entered through a skywalk in the back instead of paying the entrance fee. It was absolutely beautiful up there! The view was astounding. I wish the boy could have been there to see it. It was so amazing. After awwing over the view for awhile, we headed back to our restaurant. The Fado was really good. The singing was cool, and the food was delicious. We had trouble with the bill (taxes? bad math? We'll never know) but eventually just paid extra and left. Some of my friends wanted to go out, but some of us were exhausted and just headed back to the hostel. At the hostel I had the spider adventure mentioned at the beginning. Did I mention I hate nature?
Sunday a surprise time change hit us, and we woke up an hour earlier than planned! Damn you, daylight savings! We packed up, checked out, and headed into the city. We first hit up the Belem neighborhood where we saw a really cool Monestary, the monument of discovery, and the tower of Belem. Then we went and grabbed lunch and had perhaps the best pastry ever. Then we took taxis up to a castle in the center of the city (by this point we had lost all faith in the busses) and saw that. It was pretty cool, and we all had fun, but by this point we were also exhausted from carrying around our heavy backpacks all day. Two of the girls decided to go to church while the rest of us called it a day and headed to the train station where we did homework, ate, and chilled before our overnight train back to Caceres. In combination with losing an hour for daylight savings, we also lost an hour coming back into Spain. Some people may have missed that memo, and after returning home at 5:30 am forgot to adjust their clocks. There were a few tardies Monday morning (I am proud to say I was not one of them).
Lisbon was absolutely amazing, and I loved every minute of it. So much so that I told the boy about 100 times that I really wanted to honeymoon there! I feel in love with Lisbon.
Monday was my birthday. When I came home from school, my host mom informed me that I had a large package waiting! I opened it up, and saw the most beautiful bouquet of over 2 dozen red roses from the boy! Even though he's in Afghanistan, he ordered me flowers for my birthday! I've never gotten flowers before, so it was really really sweet. There was also a little bottle of champaign with it, and a stuffed dog that said Best Friend on the shirt. That made me laugh. Apparently he ordered a stuffed bear that said I love you, but they couldn't gaurantee the correct thing since it was an order to Spain.
Monday afternoon I went out for icecream with some of my friends, and one of my friends got me a card and another got me some candy. It was really nice of them. Then the whole group went out for Chinese food. It was a great birthday! I had perhaps the best birthday weekend ever!
Love from Spain
We ate our breakfast in the train station, and then set out on what was to be our first lousy encounter with Portuguese public transportation. We had weird directions to our hostel, which is really a bungalow (there will be discussion of my feelings on this to come) and we didn't know which bus to take. I had directions saying from the airport take bus 750, and my friend had directions saying to take 750 to our hostel, but 714 back. Really, does 714 only go one way? That makes no sense. After consulting a map, realizing we had no idea where the airport was so that option was out of the running, and also realizing that their maps were about as confusing as possible, we decided to just walk and try our luck. After far too long, we found bus 714! We ran to catch up with it, hopped on, and the bus driver stared at us like we were stupid. After all 7 of us are crowded in the doorway of the bus he finally says "I go up there (points up the street) and stop." Fuck you one way busses. You make no sense. Discouraged and tired and grumpy from carrying our backpacks, we group-huddled it up, and decided to just take a taxi. This ended up being the best idea, since split 3 ways the taxi was only 50 cents more than the bus would have been, a lot faster, and a hell of a lot more convenient.
We got out to our hostel, located in a national park, and checked in around 10 am. Yeah, we wasted that much time getting there. So anyway, checked in and made our way to our bungalow. Now, I am SO not an outdoorsy girl. I hate bugs, I hate the gross humidity, I hate being far away from everything and mostly I hate bugs. So yeah, this was not my cup of tea. But my friends were so excited for this bungalow deal, so I went along with it, and tried so hard to be a good sport all weekend. This got tested Saturday night when a dead spider (didn't know it was dead) fell from the bathroom ceiling, nearly landed on me, and then I couldn't open the bathroom door. It was also tested Friday night when a beatle scurried across the floor near me. I tried so hard, dammit. I apologize to all my friends for my disdain of nature.
So anyway, we settled in, made a game plan, and actually caught a bus into Lisbon! Oh wait, it wasn't that easy. First, the bus passed us as we sat in the bus shelter (oh, sorry, was that not where we were supposed to wait for the bus?) so we had to wait another 20 minutes for the next one. Wow, this is convenient. When we got to Lisbon we went to a train station (weren't we just there? No, it's a different one) to go to Sintra, a nearby town that we'd heard was amazing. So we walked in and started buying tickets. It struck us that the station was oddly empty for 11 am, but we just tried to make the fickle machines work. One of my friends put in a large bill and in attempting to get change back, the machine ran out of coins (note: she was getting 45 euros back. In coins. Shitty luck) so she got a receipt that told her to come back tomorrow to get her change, but, not reading Portuguese none of us knew this until a nice man came up and asked us if we needed help (which we obviously did, because at this point we were trying to explain to a janitor at the train station what happened, but we spoke English and Spanish, and she only spoke Portuguese, so it was failing) and he explained that the train company was on strike that day, so we would have to come back tomorrow to get her change. The rest of us proceeded to buy tickets (with exact change only at this point) and made our way up to the platform. Thanks to the strike, however, that was a very wasted 4 euro, because we could have made it to the platform without tickets, and no one ever checked them. So that was great. Then, also thanks to the strike, the trains were unpredictable, so our 12:20 train ended up not existing and we took the 12:40 train.
After that confusion, we ended up in Sintra. I can only describe Sintra as a fairytale. It was absolutely the most beautiful place in the world. It was almost unreal how pretty it was. We walked around some attempting to find a tourism office, and on our way saw the beautiful town and tried some cherry liquor in a chocolate cup! It tasted like a chocolate covered cherry! After that, and some leisurely walking, we arrived at the tourism office. The extremely helpful man pointed out all the palaces in Sintra (4) and prices. The most famous, the Palacio de Pena, was a 4 euro bus ride and 9 euro entrance fee away, but two of my friends and I decided it was worth it while the others stayed to walk around the city. After getting lost on our way to the bus stop, we hopped on a bus, paid for our tickets, and walked through a beautiful park on our way up to the palace. We admired the view from the palace and the outside of it for awhile before heading inside. It was absolutely beautiful. It was also relatively new, as far as palaces go, since the last person to lived there lived there only 100 years ago. The walls were brightly colored, the furniture was ornate and amazing, and the artwork was awesome. It was rich and eloquent, but also warm and welcoming. I absolutely loved it.
After we were done at the palace, we decided to take a winding walk through the parks to get back out and meet our friends at 6. The parks were absolutely amazing. We found beautiful flowers, amazing ponds, and a duck house (yeah, you tell me, because I don't know). It was just so beautiful. When we got out it was about 5:55, and we knew we'd be late to meet our friends, but not by much. Right outside the gate, however, was a sign saying that the last bus left at 5:50! We were a little upset at that, because let me tell you, it wasn't a short walk into town. However, after talking to a worker, we discovered the sign lied, and the bus should be coming around 6, and the last bus was at 6:40. What he really meant, however, was that the next and last bus came at 6:40. We sat and had a lovely chat, but were definitely way late to meeting our friends. When we made it back into town, we had coffee and french fries (nice combination) and then decided to buy groceries there so we could just go back to Lisbon, straight to our hostel, and cook dinner. We found a little market, but they were closing shop right as we arrived. The amazing man reopened just for us! We bought pasta, vegetables, and cake, and I am willing to bet he gave us discounts on stuff too, because my 1.45 euro chips and 1 euro candy bar equalled 2 euro. Work that one out. The amazingly nice man taught us a little Portuguese (goodnight, good day, etc) and we headed home.
The train ride was smooth, and we were lucky enough to catch bus 750 from right oustside the station! As we were nearing the edge of town, the driver stopped, however, and told us to all get off! We were confused, as we knew there were more stops (like our hostel, sir) but he informed us that it was the end of his shift and we would have to get on the next bus and pay for another ticket. The next bus, however, didn't seem to want to come, so, being tired and hungry, again we resorted to taxis.
Apon arrival in our hostel we cooked dinner, relaxed, talked, and went to bed. I slept with creepy crawly feeling all night. Did I mention I'm not an outdoorsy girl?
Saturday morning we had a leisurely breakfast and made our way into the city. We wanted to find a market, but didn't know exactly where it was. We did know, however, that we had to find a church to indicate the correct street. There are a lot churches in Lisbon, this didn't help much. On our way we saw a sign for free samples of port wine in a shop, so we stopped in and had some. We asked the women in the shop for directions, they pointed out the way to go, and narrowed down our church search to a white church. This also proved not to help, as we passed 3 white churches before finding the correct one, and eventually the market. We spent awhile there, and then headed to lunch. After lunch it started to rain, so we decided to make our way to the train station to get my friend's change, and a tourism office, to find out what to do. We stumbled on a Starbucks as the rain picked up, and hurried inside for warmth. This ended up being a great decision, because it turned out that this Starbucks was also in the train station! We got the change, had some coffee, and waited for the rain to subside before heading to the tourism office. They told us almost everything was free on Sunday, so we postponed all touristy things until the next day, and decided we really wanted to see a Fado, which is a dinner and show thing where the sing to you as you eat. We went and made reservations at a Fado restaurant, and then decided to take a trolley ride. The trolley ride was fun, but out in the middle of nowhere (as in nowhere close to where we wanted to be) he stopped, made us all get off, buy new tickets, and get back on. That made sense.
We rode the trolley back into the center of the city and then went to find an elevator tower thing to see the city at night. My friend had done research and knew of a way to get in for free, so we took and adventure and entered through a skywalk in the back instead of paying the entrance fee. It was absolutely beautiful up there! The view was astounding. I wish the boy could have been there to see it. It was so amazing. After awwing over the view for awhile, we headed back to our restaurant. The Fado was really good. The singing was cool, and the food was delicious. We had trouble with the bill (taxes? bad math? We'll never know) but eventually just paid extra and left. Some of my friends wanted to go out, but some of us were exhausted and just headed back to the hostel. At the hostel I had the spider adventure mentioned at the beginning. Did I mention I hate nature?
Sunday a surprise time change hit us, and we woke up an hour earlier than planned! Damn you, daylight savings! We packed up, checked out, and headed into the city. We first hit up the Belem neighborhood where we saw a really cool Monestary, the monument of discovery, and the tower of Belem. Then we went and grabbed lunch and had perhaps the best pastry ever. Then we took taxis up to a castle in the center of the city (by this point we had lost all faith in the busses) and saw that. It was pretty cool, and we all had fun, but by this point we were also exhausted from carrying around our heavy backpacks all day. Two of the girls decided to go to church while the rest of us called it a day and headed to the train station where we did homework, ate, and chilled before our overnight train back to Caceres. In combination with losing an hour for daylight savings, we also lost an hour coming back into Spain. Some people may have missed that memo, and after returning home at 5:30 am forgot to adjust their clocks. There were a few tardies Monday morning (I am proud to say I was not one of them).
Lisbon was absolutely amazing, and I loved every minute of it. So much so that I told the boy about 100 times that I really wanted to honeymoon there! I feel in love with Lisbon.
Monday was my birthday. When I came home from school, my host mom informed me that I had a large package waiting! I opened it up, and saw the most beautiful bouquet of over 2 dozen red roses from the boy! Even though he's in Afghanistan, he ordered me flowers for my birthday! I've never gotten flowers before, so it was really really sweet. There was also a little bottle of champaign with it, and a stuffed dog that said Best Friend on the shirt. That made me laugh. Apparently he ordered a stuffed bear that said I love you, but they couldn't gaurantee the correct thing since it was an order to Spain.
Monday afternoon I went out for icecream with some of my friends, and one of my friends got me a card and another got me some candy. It was really nice of them. Then the whole group went out for Chinese food. It was a great birthday! I had perhaps the best birthday weekend ever!
Love from Spain
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Colons and maps
This weekend I am going to Lisbon, Portugal. We leave on the train at 1:30 Friday morning, and come home at 5:30 Monday morning, so really, I should be doing homework so I don't have to do it in Lisbon or on my birthday (Monday!) but I feel like writing (in English), so here I am.
Yesterday I did an intercambio with a woman my host dad works with. I've mentioned this before. Anyway, we just walked around the city and talked. She says my Spanish is getting tons better, which is great to know! I can tell it has, it just feels good to know it's being recognized by others, too. So while we were walking up the main avenue of the city (Avenida de Espana) and there was this giant blow up plastic tube thing in the park of the avenue. Being curious, we went over to see what it was. I was quite surprised to find out that it was a replica of a colon! We walked through it and learned all about colon cancer (blow up colon complete with polyps. Eww). So that was an adventure.
In case you're wondering, since there's a map and all, I live just off the Avenida de Alemania. Exciting stuff.
Okay, I honestly have nothing to write about except walking through a colon. Sorry for the lame blog post. I'm off to do homework.
Love from Spain
In case you're wondering, since there's a map and all, I live just off the Avenida de Alemania. Exciting stuff.
Okay, I honestly have nothing to write about except walking through a colon. Sorry for the lame blog post. I'm off to do homework.
Love from Spain
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Las Fallas
This weekend I went on a trip to Valencia. There was a bus trip offered to ERASMUS (inter-European exchange program) and us to go to the fesitval of Las Fallas, so I hopped on it, since it was about the only way to go to Las Fallas unless you booked hostel rooms like 3 months ago. It's ridiculous. So Friday night at 1:30 am (Saturday morning) we left Caceres. After 9 hours, 2 rests, and unrestful sleep, we arrived in Valencia at 11 am. We walked around the city for awhile seeing some of the random fallas , or large structures. They were spread out around the city. Some were kind of small, and then some were basically the size of buildings. The fallas are made out of wood, glue, and "paste," although I think that's an example of something lost in translation, and I'm pretty sure it's like paper-mache. They were all crazy, and I don't really understand them, but I think they were supposed to be like criticisms about the culture or something. I don't really know. Las Fallas started out as a pagan fire ritual, and eventually melded its way into the celebration for the Patron Saint of Valencia, so that doesn't really help explain what the Fallas are either. I was confused, but it was cool.At about 2 we went to the main plaza to watch a cannon fire. Or, at least we tried to. We ended up in a huge crowd in a street off the plaza, but we could hear so it was okay. The cannon sounded for about 5 minutes, just continuously shooting. It was pretty awesome, and the ground was shaking and it was really fun. I enjoyed it.
After that, we decided to go to the beach, because one of our friends hadn't yet been in the mediterranean. We hung out, dipped our feet in, and chilled for awhile. Then we got Valencian paella, which they are famous for. Although being right along the sea, this has no seafood in it, just chicken. It was really good though. Much better than what I had had in my house. After that, we made our way back into the city for the burning of the fallas at midnight. On our bus trip back in, we were inexplicably stopped at a bus stop for 20 minutes while these drunk men shot firecrackers/baby flame thrower things at the bus. It was weird. When we made it back to the city, we found a falla to watch. It wasn't the big one in the central plaza, but we knew if we went there we could not get close, and if we stayed there we could be front row. Some people wanted to go see the big one, though, so they headed off to the plaza while we waited for about an hour and a half next to the Falla.
A little before midnight they strung this rope with weird firecracker-esque things on it all around the structure. Then they splashed lighter fluid around it, too. At midnight, the lit the rope on fire, sending the flame down the rope and setting off the firecrackers. They ignited and shot off colorful sparks as they lit, which caught fire on the lighter-fluid soaked paper-mache. It was crazy. The whole thing started to burn, working its way around the structure, and up the biggest parts of it. When one of the two biggest characters caught fire, the flame was so huge and so hot we had to back up. As the falla burned, there was a time when the only thing left standing were the wooden support structures in the middle. Then those too fell, and everything just burned and smoldered out. It was incredible and crazy.After that, we headed to the main plaza to meet our friends again, and potentially see the main falla burn from a distance. When we got there, it was already almost completely gone, but we were not upset about it. We made our way through the absolutely giant crowd, trying to find our friends. As the falla stopped burning, the crowd started to move. We knew where our friends were (in a Burger King across the plaza), but the crowd had a different idea. The four of us held hands so as not to lose anyone, and shoved and pushed our way. As we were shoving and pushing, the whole crowd shoved and pushed back. Thank god no one fell, because I don't know what would have happened if they did. The crowd basically moved as one unit, and you could do nothing about it. At one point a mans elbow was infront of my face, so I could not go forward, but my friend in front of my had my hand, and my arm was totally bending in the wrong direction until I ducked under his arm and lived. It was an epic journey across the plaza.
When we got to BK we waited out the hurricane of people outside, then went to get churros. Then we met up with the rest of the group, and hung out for awhile. Basically at this point we just wanted to leave, but our bus didn't head out till 5:30, so we couldn't. At about 4 we just called it quits and headed to the bus station. On the way, we found a girl passed out, and her friends being the rudest, most unhelpful, inconsiderate assholes ever. We got her water and food, made sure she was okay, and made sure she had a taxi home. That wasn't the funnest way to end the trip. We made our way to bus station after that, and at 5:30 headed out to Caceres. I slept the entire way. All in all, it was a really good weekend.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Two Weeks Worth of Updates
Okay so I know I've slacked on my blogging for awhile. Sorry guys. I've had quite the few weeks.
Last weekend, the 5-7, I went to Badajoz for Carnaval. To get a good idea of Carnaval, think of Mardi Gras and Halloween's baby, but without the candy, and without the skimpy outfits, and with a lot of feathers, glitter, and sparkles. Okay, so I guess think of the baby of Mardi Gras, Halloween, and a drag show. It was intense. It's basically a giant party in the streets. Everyone's dancing and drinking and there are parades and music and it's crazy. Let's just say it's a night to remember. Or not.
I got home from Carnaval at noon on Sunday after having gone to Badajoz at 3 pm Saturday. No sleep occurred in that time, so I slept literally from 4 pm Sunday until 9 am Monday. It was heaven. After a whole 3 days of school (life's rough in Spain), I left with some of my friends on Thursday morning to go to Palma de Mallorca. Mallorca is an island in the Mediterranean Sea. After a few hiccups in travel (note: when traveling, even within the country, and you're not a resident of that country, bring your passport) we arrived in Palma minus one amiga. =(
We got to our hostel (sea view, that's right, be jealous) and settled in. Then we went down to the beach to watch the sunset over the Mediterranean. Can you say pure beautiful? I can: Palma.
Friday we spent the majority of the day on the beach. I did not swim, but I did walk in the Sea! That night we felt like being very American, so we started a little fire out of tea candles and matches (not recommended, by the way) and somehow found marshmallows (that were, as most American things in Spain, close but not quite) and made ourselves S'mores! It was quite tasty, so we repeated the experience Sunday night, too.
Saturday it was rainy, so we went into the city to sightsee. We saw a Gothic Cathedral, which was pretty cool. It had a cloister in it. Don't know what that is still, even after seeing it, so if anyone knows what that is, please enlighten me. After the Cathedral we ate lunch and then wanted to find a round castle that was apparently very far away so we had to take a bus, however the only bus that we could find that went there cost 15 euro, so we passed and decided to walk. After all, the Spanish version of "very far" can't be the same as an American version, can it? Yes. yes it can.
After half an hour of walking we asked someone where the castle was, and yet again were told "very far! Take a bus!" At this point, we gave up. It was raining, we were wet and cold, and we probably wouldn't have had time to see the castle once we got there at that rate. So, we turned around and walked half an hour back to the bus stop to head to our hostel again. We had a very chill evening, and slept a lot.
Sunday was another beach day. Even though it was only about 62 degrees, we swam and sunbathed. All the locals laughed at us and took pictures. One of those pictures is apparently going to be in a German newspaper because we're the first swimmers of the year (yeah, we're famous). Mallorca=Bahamas of Germany. So. Many. Germans! Sunday night we made more s'mores. It was a grand time.
Monday we headed back to Caceres, arriving around 11 pm, without travel hiccups this time.
I'll try to update more regularly. This weekend I am going to Valencia for Las Fallas. It should be a grand time!
I got home from Carnaval at noon on Sunday after having gone to Badajoz at 3 pm Saturday. No sleep occurred in that time, so I slept literally from 4 pm Sunday until 9 am Monday. It was heaven. After a whole 3 days of school (life's rough in Spain), I left with some of my friends on Thursday morning to go to Palma de Mallorca. Mallorca is an island in the Mediterranean Sea. After a few hiccups in travel (note: when traveling, even within the country, and you're not a resident of that country, bring your passport) we arrived in Palma minus one amiga. =(
We got to our hostel (sea view, that's right, be jealous) and settled in. Then we went down to the beach to watch the sunset over the Mediterranean. Can you say pure beautiful? I can: Palma.Friday we spent the majority of the day on the beach. I did not swim, but I did walk in the Sea! That night we felt like being very American, so we started a little fire out of tea candles and matches (not recommended, by the way) and somehow found marshmallows (that were, as most American things in Spain, close but not quite) and made ourselves S'mores! It was quite tasty, so we repeated the experience Sunday night, too.
Saturday it was rainy, so we went into the city to sightsee. We saw a Gothic Cathedral, which was pretty cool. It had a cloister in it. Don't know what that is still, even after seeing it, so if anyone knows what that is, please enlighten me. After the Cathedral we ate lunch and then wanted to find a round castle that was apparently very far away so we had to take a bus, however the only bus that we could find that went there cost 15 euro, so we passed and decided to walk. After all, the Spanish version of "very far" can't be the same as an American version, can it? Yes. yes it can.
After half an hour of walking we asked someone where the castle was, and yet again were told "very far! Take a bus!" At this point, we gave up. It was raining, we were wet and cold, and we probably wouldn't have had time to see the castle once we got there at that rate. So, we turned around and walked half an hour back to the bus stop to head to our hostel again. We had a very chill evening, and slept a lot.
Sunday was another beach day. Even though it was only about 62 degrees, we swam and sunbathed. All the locals laughed at us and took pictures. One of those pictures is apparently going to be in a German newspaper because we're the first swimmers of the year (yeah, we're famous). Mallorca=Bahamas of Germany. So. Many. Germans! Sunday night we made more s'mores. It was a grand time.
Monday we headed back to Caceres, arriving around 11 pm, without travel hiccups this time.
I'll try to update more regularly. This weekend I am going to Valencia for Las Fallas. It should be a grand time!
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Granada and Cordoba: Arabic or Catholic?
This weekend the whole group went to Granada and Cordoba. We left Caceres at 8 am Friday morning and had a 7 hour drive before we arrived in Granada at about 3 pm. We had had two stops in there to let the bus driver rest, and ate lunch on one of those. When we got to Granada we went to the Cathedral. It was really pretty, but also quite cold inside. It was really cool, though. One of our professors came with us on the trip, so he told us a lot of interesting facts and history of the places that we visited that we probably never would have learned had he not been there. We spent a few hours in the cathedral, and then had some free times. My friends and I were pretty tired, so we went on search for Cafe con Leche, and found instead Churros con chocolate. It was a happy early-evening snack. After that we headed to the hostel where we also ate dinner.After dinner, some of the group wanted to go out, but a couple of my friends and I just wanted to have a chill evening. We decided to buy a few drinks and hang out in the park near our hostel. It was, at this point, 9:45, and everything was closing at 10. We found out the nearest grocery store was about a mile away, and may or may not have run there. First we entered the wrong store (same name, but this one sold housewares, not food) so we had to run across the street. We got in just before 10, and were the last ones out 15 minutes later with some drinks and chocolate! We went to the park for awhile, then moved into my friend's room when it got a little chilly outside. We called it a night around 1:30 because we had to be up at 8 again the next morning.
The next day we had breakfast and then finally left the hostel an hour later than we were supposed to. We walked up to a lookout spot for a breathtaking view of the Alhambra (an Islamic palace/fort) and the snow-capped mountains behind it. It was absolutely beautiful, and probably my favorite part of the whole trip. After spending some time up there, we headed over to actually see the Alhambra. This, too, was very fun. Again our professor taught us a lot of cool things about it. The Alhambra was really impressive because of the incredibly intricate mosaic work. It is outstanding how they could have possibly done that.After the Alhambra, we headed out for Cordoba: about a 3 hour drive. My friends and I had a good bus trip playing "truth or truth" the get-to-know-you-tamely cousin of "truth or dare." When we got to Cordoba we had dinner at our hostel. Again some people went out, but I was exhausted, and just called it a night.
After the mosque/cathedral we headed home. I ate dinner, showered, and slept like a rock. This week I finally got to talk to the boy again, which was amazing. He sounds like he's doing really well, so that makes me happy and helps me stay strong, too.
Love from Spain
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
The Power of Words
This is a digression from the travel posts on to a more philosophical topic.
Dealing with deployment has been pretty hard for me. I am lonely most of the time, and I have no one here I can really talk to. I can't email my friends every day about it. There is only so much they can say. But lately I have heard a few amazingly impactful words. Never underestimate the power of words. Here is a list of some of the things I have been told lately. From the boy, the bestie, or distant friends, these have meant so much to me.
"You are my hero."
"You are my light and my way. I could never do this or anything without you in my heart."
"Of course I have a giant hug waiting for you"
"HUGS! PS Smile!"
"Just keep going and ignore those stupid thoughts that you can't or shouldn't"
"You'll have a hug waiting for you whenever we meet up for the rest of our lives"
"Few people are fortunate enough to have a friend like [you]"
"You need to remember, even through the tough times, you are amazing."
"You'll be challenged the next few weeks/months, but I know you'll make it through, and in the end your love for [the boy] will be even greater and you'll be able to overcome any obstacle life throws at you."
"Love triumphs all."
"I love you."
In high school my band director always used to say "every interaction you have with someone can change their day. What will you do with that power?" I am so lucky to have people around me who use that power for good. People who will love me, support me, and make me strong when I am not. Some of these kind words came from the boy, some came from my best friends, and some came from someone I have not spoken to in years. All were amazing, beautiful, and had a profound impact on me. These are only a few examples of the beautiful things I've been told in my life. Of course, there are people who will want to tear you down; people who will want to hurt you, who will be hurtful, and who will only want to see you weak. Ignore them. Those words mean nothing.
I had the hardest time ignoring hurtful words for a long time. I was told I was not cut out to be a military girlfriend/spouse. I was told I was not strong enough. I was told I could not do it. When the boy told me I was his hero, that one simple sentence changed everything. When he said that, I realized how much strength he sees in me. Strength sometimes I cannot always see in myself, but strength he knows is there. When my friends tell me they have hugs waiting for me, I realized how much I was loved and supported. When I was told to keep going and ignore the doubts I realized how much people believe in me. When I was told this would only make the boy and I stronger I saw that there can be good sides to every bad situation.
Never underestimate the power of words. Never let people tear you down. I see strength in you. I know you are good, and kind, and strong. You can do anything, you are amazing. I love you, because you are you.
Dealing with deployment has been pretty hard for me. I am lonely most of the time, and I have no one here I can really talk to. I can't email my friends every day about it. There is only so much they can say. But lately I have heard a few amazingly impactful words. Never underestimate the power of words. Here is a list of some of the things I have been told lately. From the boy, the bestie, or distant friends, these have meant so much to me.
"You are my hero."
"You are my light and my way. I could never do this or anything without you in my heart."
"Of course I have a giant hug waiting for you"
"HUGS! PS Smile!"
"Just keep going and ignore those stupid thoughts that you can't or shouldn't"
"You'll have a hug waiting for you whenever we meet up for the rest of our lives"
"Few people are fortunate enough to have a friend like [you]"
"You need to remember, even through the tough times, you are amazing."
"You'll be challenged the next few weeks/months, but I know you'll make it through, and in the end your love for [the boy] will be even greater and you'll be able to overcome any obstacle life throws at you."
"Love triumphs all."
"I love you."
In high school my band director always used to say "every interaction you have with someone can change their day. What will you do with that power?" I am so lucky to have people around me who use that power for good. People who will love me, support me, and make me strong when I am not. Some of these kind words came from the boy, some came from my best friends, and some came from someone I have not spoken to in years. All were amazing, beautiful, and had a profound impact on me. These are only a few examples of the beautiful things I've been told in my life. Of course, there are people who will want to tear you down; people who will want to hurt you, who will be hurtful, and who will only want to see you weak. Ignore them. Those words mean nothing.
I had the hardest time ignoring hurtful words for a long time. I was told I was not cut out to be a military girlfriend/spouse. I was told I was not strong enough. I was told I could not do it. When the boy told me I was his hero, that one simple sentence changed everything. When he said that, I realized how much strength he sees in me. Strength sometimes I cannot always see in myself, but strength he knows is there. When my friends tell me they have hugs waiting for me, I realized how much I was loved and supported. When I was told to keep going and ignore the doubts I realized how much people believe in me. When I was told this would only make the boy and I stronger I saw that there can be good sides to every bad situation.
Never underestimate the power of words. Never let people tear you down. I see strength in you. I know you are good, and kind, and strong. You can do anything, you are amazing. I love you, because you are you.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Sevilla
Last week was largely uneventful as far as exciting Spanish things go. I had some class, ate some good food, and mostly talked to the boy a lot. Not excited for this deployment, but I know we'll make it through it. We always do. He is so amazing, I just wish he were here so much.
This weekend 6 of my friends and I went to Sevilla. It is about a 3.5 hour bus ride from Caceres. We left Saturday at 11:30 and returned Monday at 10:45. We had class Monday morning at 11, and were definitely late by about 30 minutes, but that's okay. Saturday we got there, ate our pre-packed lunches, and found our hostel. Our first hostel was pretty nice. We had 2 rooms of 4 for the 7 of us. One room was for just girls, and the other room was co-ed. I was in the co-ed room with the 2 boys. One of whom has sleep apnea and therefore snores loudly. It was pretty hard to sleep. That day we wanted to go to a bullfighting ring, but it closed at 7, and we were not going to make it in time. Instead we largely walked around. We hung out by the river for awhile, which was beautiful. We also found this amazing park called Maria Louisa. It was so pretty. One of my friend's "garden senses" started "tingling" and we found beautiful gardens, ponds, statues, and fountains. It was all amazing. The park led to the Plaza de Espana. There is a huge beautiful building there. From the Plaza we decided to take a horse-drawn carriage ride. It was so pretty. I am really glad we decided to do it. We rode around the plaza, the park, and a little all around the city. It was awesome. Then we started walking to a Flamenco show. We had all watched some Flamenco Friday night in Caceres and loved it, so we wanted to see another. On our way to the show (we had time to kill) we passed a park. It was one of those parks where you look at it and go "playground, or art?" because it is not like swing, slide, etc. It had these slanted poles that you stood on and your body weight made them spin around super fast. It was amazing fun. There was also a zip-line that was really long. We all did that. It started raining as we were taking turns on the zip line, so the part to stand on was really slippery. When it was my turn I jumped on to the swing and totally fell. I ended up sliding down the chain and sitting on the zipline, so it was still super fun, but my hands hurt terribly. We continued to play in the rain for awhile, then decided to start walking again. That was so much fun. I had been having a hard time earlier because I wanted the boy there so much, but that part made me just enjoy the moment and feel happy again.
Eventually, after a stop for some Doner Kebab for dinner, we made it to the bar the flamenco show was at. The bar was so crowded, and I don't know if there was a Spaniard there. There definitely wasn't a person from Sevilla there for sure. It was super crowded, and we ended up leaving after only about 20 minutes because the crowds were too much. We got back to our hostel, and our less than restful sleep. Sunday morning we woke up early, checked out of the hostel, and went for churros with chocolate: the world's greatest breakfast treat. From there we went to the Real Alcazar. It is a giant palace with these amazing tile mosaics everywhere. The whole place seemed to be a giant mosaic. I can't imagine how much time it took to do all that art. And for as beautiful as the inside was, the gardens were the best part. They were huge and beautiful. There were small, walled-in gardens near the castle, and expansive gardens further away. There were places where there used to be hedge mazes, and I saw where the first tennis court in Spain was, which was pretty cool. There were also tons of orange and lemon trees everywhere. It was amazing. We spent about 2 hours at the Alcazar and still did not see everything.
After the Alcazar we were all tired of carrying our backpacks, so we went to our second hostel to put stuff away. This hostel was a little...sketchy. While all the other doors looked perfectly fine, our room had no doorknob nor a lock. We had lockers, but only 4 of the 8 worked. They were large, though, so we could share. Also, there was a gross smell. I was, however, very happy that we had a hostel. We played the Positive Game, where we said one good thing about the hostel. It helped even though it sounds really cheesey. After a lunch of clementines, nutella sandwiches, and cookies, we headed out again. We went to the Cathedral first. This was the largest Gothic Cathedral in the world, and it was beautiful. It was huge, of course, and there was so much gold work. I think if I understood Christianity more it would have been cooler, but it was interesting. I am also not the hugest fan of Gothic architecture, but it was cool to see the largest one. Inside the cathedral was Christopher Columbus's tomb, so that was nifty. Also, inside the cathedral is a tower called the Giralda which you can climb up (no stairs, just a giant winding ramp: interesting) and see an amazing view of Sevilla. It was so pretty. After the Cathedral we went to the bullfighting ring. Here we took a tour and learned a lot about bullfighting. It was really interesting. I hope I get to see a fight while I am in Spain. It might be a little gross, but it is so much a part of the culture that I want to experience it.
After the bull ring we went to the Torre de Oro, which is where Columbus set sail to discover the Americas. It was pretty cool. We did not go in, but we saw the outside and hung out by the river a little more. After that, we went back to our hostel and started our homework, which was not super fun, but was definitely necessary. That night the boys and I went out to dinner while the rest of girls ate more nutella sandwiches. I could not do nutella for 2 meals in one day. I need one real meal. That night I was determined to fall asleep before the guy with sleep apnea. I understand it is not his fault he snores, but I had to sleep, so I fell asleep quickly. The others could not say the same, and they did not sleep well at all. Monday morning we woke up at 5:30 to catch our bus at 7. We returned to Caceres around 10:45, and made it to class around 11:30. Our professor knew we would be late so it was okay.
Monday evening, despite how tired I was, I met a woman my host dad set me up with to do an Intercambio. She helps me with my Spanish and I help her with her English. It was actually really interesting. I learned a lot about the history of Caceres, which was very cool.
Now I am off to buy envelopes, stamps, and spend my day wandering the city! Hopefully I'll fully catch up on sleep tonight.
This weekend 6 of my friends and I went to Sevilla. It is about a 3.5 hour bus ride from Caceres. We left Saturday at 11:30 and returned Monday at 10:45. We had class Monday morning at 11, and were definitely late by about 30 minutes, but that's okay. Saturday we got there, ate our pre-packed lunches, and found our hostel. Our first hostel was pretty nice. We had 2 rooms of 4 for the 7 of us. One room was for just girls, and the other room was co-ed. I was in the co-ed room with the 2 boys. One of whom has sleep apnea and therefore snores loudly. It was pretty hard to sleep. That day we wanted to go to a bullfighting ring, but it closed at 7, and we were not going to make it in time. Instead we largely walked around. We hung out by the river for awhile, which was beautiful. We also found this amazing park called Maria Louisa. It was so pretty. One of my friend's "garden senses" started "tingling" and we found beautiful gardens, ponds, statues, and fountains. It was all amazing. The park led to the Plaza de Espana. There is a huge beautiful building there. From the Plaza we decided to take a horse-drawn carriage ride. It was so pretty. I am really glad we decided to do it. We rode around the plaza, the park, and a little all around the city. It was awesome. Then we started walking to a Flamenco show. We had all watched some Flamenco Friday night in Caceres and loved it, so we wanted to see another. On our way to the show (we had time to kill) we passed a park. It was one of those parks where you look at it and go "playground, or art?" because it is not like swing, slide, etc. It had these slanted poles that you stood on and your body weight made them spin around super fast. It was amazing fun. There was also a zip-line that was really long. We all did that. It started raining as we were taking turns on the zip line, so the part to stand on was really slippery. When it was my turn I jumped on to the swing and totally fell. I ended up sliding down the chain and sitting on the zipline, so it was still super fun, but my hands hurt terribly. We continued to play in the rain for awhile, then decided to start walking again. That was so much fun. I had been having a hard time earlier because I wanted the boy there so much, but that part made me just enjoy the moment and feel happy again.
Eventually, after a stop for some Doner Kebab for dinner, we made it to the bar the flamenco show was at. The bar was so crowded, and I don't know if there was a Spaniard there. There definitely wasn't a person from Sevilla there for sure. It was super crowded, and we ended up leaving after only about 20 minutes because the crowds were too much. We got back to our hostel, and our less than restful sleep. Sunday morning we woke up early, checked out of the hostel, and went for churros with chocolate: the world's greatest breakfast treat. From there we went to the Real Alcazar. It is a giant palace with these amazing tile mosaics everywhere. The whole place seemed to be a giant mosaic. I can't imagine how much time it took to do all that art. And for as beautiful as the inside was, the gardens were the best part. They were huge and beautiful. There were small, walled-in gardens near the castle, and expansive gardens further away. There were places where there used to be hedge mazes, and I saw where the first tennis court in Spain was, which was pretty cool. There were also tons of orange and lemon trees everywhere. It was amazing. We spent about 2 hours at the Alcazar and still did not see everything.
After the Alcazar we were all tired of carrying our backpacks, so we went to our second hostel to put stuff away. This hostel was a little...sketchy. While all the other doors looked perfectly fine, our room had no doorknob nor a lock. We had lockers, but only 4 of the 8 worked. They were large, though, so we could share. Also, there was a gross smell. I was, however, very happy that we had a hostel. We played the Positive Game, where we said one good thing about the hostel. It helped even though it sounds really cheesey. After a lunch of clementines, nutella sandwiches, and cookies, we headed out again. We went to the Cathedral first. This was the largest Gothic Cathedral in the world, and it was beautiful. It was huge, of course, and there was so much gold work. I think if I understood Christianity more it would have been cooler, but it was interesting. I am also not the hugest fan of Gothic architecture, but it was cool to see the largest one. Inside the cathedral was Christopher Columbus's tomb, so that was nifty. Also, inside the cathedral is a tower called the Giralda which you can climb up (no stairs, just a giant winding ramp: interesting) and see an amazing view of Sevilla. It was so pretty. After the Cathedral we went to the bullfighting ring. Here we took a tour and learned a lot about bullfighting. It was really interesting. I hope I get to see a fight while I am in Spain. It might be a little gross, but it is so much a part of the culture that I want to experience it.
After the bull ring we went to the Torre de Oro, which is where Columbus set sail to discover the Americas. It was pretty cool. We did not go in, but we saw the outside and hung out by the river a little more. After that, we went back to our hostel and started our homework, which was not super fun, but was definitely necessary. That night the boys and I went out to dinner while the rest of girls ate more nutella sandwiches. I could not do nutella for 2 meals in one day. I need one real meal. That night I was determined to fall asleep before the guy with sleep apnea. I understand it is not his fault he snores, but I had to sleep, so I fell asleep quickly. The others could not say the same, and they did not sleep well at all. Monday morning we woke up at 5:30 to catch our bus at 7. We returned to Caceres around 10:45, and made it to class around 11:30. Our professor knew we would be late so it was okay.
Monday evening, despite how tired I was, I met a woman my host dad set me up with to do an Intercambio. She helps me with my Spanish and I help her with her English. It was actually really interesting. I learned a lot about the history of Caceres, which was very cool.
Now I am off to buy envelopes, stamps, and spend my day wandering the city! Hopefully I'll fully catch up on sleep tonight.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Here's to you, Shalyn
Shalyn, I told you I would write a blog post tonight. It is late, and I have slept a total of 8 hours since Friday. Therefore, the blog about Sevilla (long, detailed, and awesome) is going to come tomorrow. As in the Spanish culture, "tranquila, tranquila, manana manana..." or, "don't worry, we'll do it tomorrow..." So I am channeling my inner Spaniard, and putting it off yet another day. Sorry. Sevilla was awesome, and I want to do it justice. In my current state, I simply cannot do that.
Love from Spain
Love from Spain
Monday, February 14, 2011
Valentine's Day
Today was, of course, Valentines Day. I was really lucky and got to talk to the boy for about two hours, which is more than we've ever been able to talk on Valentines Day. I can't wait for the day we can celebrate together, but I don't really foresee that happening while he is still in the military. We also got to talk for several hours yesterday, which was great. I have missed seeing his face so much.
For Valentines Day my friends and I went out for coffee and pastries, because nothing makes sadness disappear like coffee and pastries. One of the girls and I are both in very serious long-term relationships: mine of just over 2 years; hers of just over a year and a half. Thus, we decided to be each other's valentine today, since we are missing our real valentines. On my way home from school today I stopped by a Chino (dollar store run by Chinese people. Really, everyone calls them Chinos) to pick up valentine's gifts for my boy. I can not afford to send them to him now, but I will make him a themed care package when I get home. While I was there I decided to get my fake valentine something too, so I picked her up a teddy bear that I think is meant for a baby (Clue: It says "baby" on the foot), and a bouquet of blue lilies. I have heard that blue is a good sympathy color, so I chose sympathy for her being away from her boy. It was really cute and it was kind of fun to have a valentines day with tons of friends. I remember last year I was completely alone and didn't even get to talk to the boy, so I literally sat in my dorm and ate ice cream and ordered pizza
The old man I live with smokes like a chimney. This is not new. However, he has almost always kept his door closed or been considerate enough to go outside to smoke. Lately, however, he has been walking around the house with a cigarette or leaving his door wide open while he smokes. I am so not a fan of smoking to begin with, but I can handle it on the street, or if I am visiting someone else's home. However, since this is where I am living for 3 months, it is really not okay for this to happen. I feel bad asking him not to, however, because he is really sickly (wonder why. I am sure it has nothing to do with the three packs he goes through a day) so I don't want to make him go outside every time he needs a cigarette, and it is his home, so I don't want to tell him how to live in his own home. It also clearly doesn't bother my host parents, and this is their house so they make the rules. I just feel bad telling other people how to live, but this will make me sick if I have to deal with this the entire time. I emailed our coordinator in Caceres. Hopefully she will be able to give me an idea on what to do.
Happy Valentine's Day
Remember you are loved
For Valentines Day my friends and I went out for coffee and pastries, because nothing makes sadness disappear like coffee and pastries. One of the girls and I are both in very serious long-term relationships: mine of just over 2 years; hers of just over a year and a half. Thus, we decided to be each other's valentine today, since we are missing our real valentines. On my way home from school today I stopped by a Chino (dollar store run by Chinese people. Really, everyone calls them Chinos) to pick up valentine's gifts for my boy. I can not afford to send them to him now, but I will make him a themed care package when I get home. While I was there I decided to get my fake valentine something too, so I picked her up a teddy bear that I think is meant for a baby (Clue: It says "baby" on the foot), and a bouquet of blue lilies. I have heard that blue is a good sympathy color, so I chose sympathy for her being away from her boy. It was really cute and it was kind of fun to have a valentines day with tons of friends. I remember last year I was completely alone and didn't even get to talk to the boy, so I literally sat in my dorm and ate ice cream and ordered pizza
The old man I live with smokes like a chimney. This is not new. However, he has almost always kept his door closed or been considerate enough to go outside to smoke. Lately, however, he has been walking around the house with a cigarette or leaving his door wide open while he smokes. I am so not a fan of smoking to begin with, but I can handle it on the street, or if I am visiting someone else's home. However, since this is where I am living for 3 months, it is really not okay for this to happen. I feel bad asking him not to, however, because he is really sickly (wonder why. I am sure it has nothing to do with the three packs he goes through a day) so I don't want to make him go outside every time he needs a cigarette, and it is his home, so I don't want to tell him how to live in his own home. It also clearly doesn't bother my host parents, and this is their house so they make the rules. I just feel bad telling other people how to live, but this will make me sick if I have to deal with this the entire time. I emailed our coordinator in Caceres. Hopefully she will be able to give me an idea on what to do.
Happy Valentine's Day
Remember you are loved
Sunday, February 13, 2011
La Montana
Yesterday my friends and I slept in after our long day at Merida, and then went for churros around 11. They were delicious. Imagine funnel cake dipped in thick hot chocolate. So. Good. After filling up on churros and meeting up with almost the entire rest of the group we went to the mountain just outside of Caceres to climb it. The climb involved crossing a shallow creek (rock steps in the middle) and a couple flights of rock steps. We also passed the house of Don Quijote on the way up. I don't think it's the same one as in the story, but it's fun to pretend. The boy called me on my way up, which was a happy surprise since I wasn't expecting him at the hotel until 7-9 my time. 30 minutes of climbing later, we reached the top. There is a statue of Jesus and the most beautiful view of Caceres ever. It was amazing. All of us brought lunches, and my friends and I had bought Oreos, Tinto de Verano (tint of summer: fruity wine + some pop = delicious), and Fanta Limon to share amongst the whole group. I asked for a small lunch for the day. I told my host mom 1 sandwich and water would be fine. She handed me a lunch of 2 full baguette sandwiches, 2 oranges, yogurt, cake, orange juice, water, and orange Fanta. I don't know who she thinks she is feeding, but I don't need 2 full baguette sandwiches! We had a lovely lunch and siesta on the top before heading back down around 3.
When I got back home the Michigan girl had left, so I could move into her room. While I was happy to have my permanent room, I was tired and just wanted to nap. After I got all moved in, I showered and siesta-ed. It was lovely. When I woke up I called the boy and got to Skype with him for the first time in about a month. It was so great to see his pretty face! After talking to him for awhile, I had dinner with my family and then went out last night with my group. Ended up coming home around 3:30. My host family woke me up at 11:30 this morning for a lovely breakfast of homemade churros. Spain is wonderful!
When I got back home the Michigan girl had left, so I could move into her room. While I was happy to have my permanent room, I was tired and just wanted to nap. After I got all moved in, I showered and siesta-ed. It was lovely. When I woke up I called the boy and got to Skype with him for the first time in about a month. It was so great to see his pretty face! After talking to him for awhile, I had dinner with my family and then went out last night with my group. Ended up coming home around 3:30. My host family woke me up at 11:30 this morning for a lovely breakfast of homemade churros. Spain is wonderful!
Friday, February 11, 2011
Merida
So today started with me waking up after 5 hours of sleep (following a lovely panic attack lasting until 3:30 am) with my hair a mess, makeup residue smudges all down my face, and wearing gangster sweats. Opened my bedroom door to walk to the bathroom, and saw three strangers touring my apartment. I asked who they were and got the patented blank stare response. So, maybe I'll never know, but that was a nice surprise this morning. Took my shower, ate my breakfast (in my now stranger-free apartment), and went to Merida for the day.
Merida was beautiful. The old Roman bridge was awesome, as was the coliseum and the theater. We ate gelato on our long lunch break, did some shopping, walked across the bridge, and then went to the museum where all the actual stuff from the coliseum and theater were held. One of the statue heads was missing a nose and from the side looked exactly like Voldemort! It was so funny. After a long day of Merida we were all ready for bed, but instead we went and planned trips. We now have all our hostels booked for Spring Break, and are looking into going to Ireland for St Patrick's Day. We can even skip class for 2 days to come home on the 9 euro flights on Tuesday! We are also looking into going to Lisbon this weekend, but we keep having troubles buying train tickets online. We are hoping to remedy this by just going to the train station Monday to buy tickets.
The boy left training today, and, after a crazy long bus ride, will spend a few days in a hotel before heading out for his deployment. This means I will actually get to Skype with him and see his face for the first time in 3+ weeks! He has internet on the bus now, but no power, and his computer is a piece so it doesn't work if it's not plugged in. His phone is also dead now (I don't think he charged it before he left =( ) but at least I know that by tomorrow night I will be able to talk to him! I absolutely can't wait to see his face again. Even if it is over a computer across thousands of miles.
Love from Spain
Ellyn
Merida was beautiful. The old Roman bridge was awesome, as was the coliseum and the theater. We ate gelato on our long lunch break, did some shopping, walked across the bridge, and then went to the museum where all the actual stuff from the coliseum and theater were held. One of the statue heads was missing a nose and from the side looked exactly like Voldemort! It was so funny. After a long day of Merida we were all ready for bed, but instead we went and planned trips. We now have all our hostels booked for Spring Break, and are looking into going to Ireland for St Patrick's Day. We can even skip class for 2 days to come home on the 9 euro flights on Tuesday! We are also looking into going to Lisbon this weekend, but we keep having troubles buying train tickets online. We are hoping to remedy this by just going to the train station Monday to buy tickets.
The boy left training today, and, after a crazy long bus ride, will spend a few days in a hotel before heading out for his deployment. This means I will actually get to Skype with him and see his face for the first time in 3+ weeks! He has internet on the bus now, but no power, and his computer is a piece so it doesn't work if it's not plugged in. His phone is also dead now (I don't think he charged it before he left =( ) but at least I know that by tomorrow night I will be able to talk to him! I absolutely can't wait to see his face again. Even if it is over a computer across thousands of miles.
Love from Spain
Ellyn
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Nutella Frosting
Tuesday was my friend's birthday, and I must say, Nutella frosting is the best idea ever. For real, everyone, go buy or make a cake right now and dollop on the Nutella. You will not regret it.
At her birthday we also planned Spring Break. Originally I was going to go to Amsterdam with one girl, but I thought she wanted to stay in Spain for Semana Santa (this blew up in my face because I had misunderstood and she thought I had just ditched her. It was a total misunderstanding and I feel terrible about it!) so I joined up with a group going to Italy. Italy ended up being really expensive, so some of us are going to London and Paris for 3 days each. We will fly into London, chill there for 3 days, take the chunnel to Paris, and stay there for 3 days. Our return flight home leaves at like 5 am, so we decided that instead of paying for a hostel for 3 hours we are going to stay out all night and just be really tired when we get to Madrid. Then, since it will be like 7 am in Madrid, we are going to hang out there for the day (running entirely on coffee) and head back to Caceres for the end of Semana Santa. I am really excited. Even though I have been to London and Paris before I was sick when I was there, so it will be really cool to go healthy. Maybe I can see Wimbledon while I'm there, too!
Tomorrow we are going to Merida, which is apparently an old Roman walled city. It is the capital of Extremedura (the state I am in) and should be a good trip. Saturday my friends and I are climbing "la montana" or "the mountain" which I think has some religious symbolism but I don't really know. We are going to bring lunch and we bought Fanta limon (why does America not have this stuff?) and some fruity wine drink that is apparently the best girly drink around, and Oreos (the most craved American food of the moment) and will picnic at the top before returning home in the mid-afternoon. I think the boy will have internet this weekend, so I will Skype with him a few last times before he heads off to Afghanistan, which will be really nice.
Tonight my friends and I are going to finalize our spring break plans (get hostels) and then we are going out with some ERASMUS students, so it should be a good night. I don't know how, but almost our whole friend group is falling ill right now. We all have sore throats, are losing our voices, and just in general have lost our energy. I, of course, have fallen victim to it with my champ of an immune system, but it is not too terrible, so hopefully I'll be all better by Saturday to climb the mountain.
On the subject of things America needs to have, here is my list of desires so far:
Fanta Limon. Top of the list for a reason. It's like carbonated lemonade, and it is amazing.
Kinder chocolate. Equivalent to dying and going to heaven.
Trufas. Almost as good as Kinder chocolate.
The heated table. This is a comforter over a small table and a space heater underneath. Where have you been all my life?
Siesta. Who doesn't want a break in the middle of the day?
Public transportation in abundance. Convenient, cheap, and environmentally friendly.
Hostels. For when you just don't want to spend upwards of $100 for a bed.
Good seafood. Maybe this is just the midwest, but seriously, the fish here is so good!
Little cars. Safe, environmentally friendly, and easy to parallel park.
On the flip side, there are some things America has that Europe needs to catch up with:
Hot water. I get it, you like the environment, so do I, but I like my hot shower just a little more.
Heating. See above. (I think this is just a Spain thing, but still)
Dentists. I have seen enough yellow, crooked, rotten teeth for a while.
Showers. Yes, they have them, but they should really start using them more. Again, I know they like the environment, but my nose doesn't appreciate this.
At her birthday we also planned Spring Break. Originally I was going to go to Amsterdam with one girl, but I thought she wanted to stay in Spain for Semana Santa (this blew up in my face because I had misunderstood and she thought I had just ditched her. It was a total misunderstanding and I feel terrible about it!) so I joined up with a group going to Italy. Italy ended up being really expensive, so some of us are going to London and Paris for 3 days each. We will fly into London, chill there for 3 days, take the chunnel to Paris, and stay there for 3 days. Our return flight home leaves at like 5 am, so we decided that instead of paying for a hostel for 3 hours we are going to stay out all night and just be really tired when we get to Madrid. Then, since it will be like 7 am in Madrid, we are going to hang out there for the day (running entirely on coffee) and head back to Caceres for the end of Semana Santa. I am really excited. Even though I have been to London and Paris before I was sick when I was there, so it will be really cool to go healthy. Maybe I can see Wimbledon while I'm there, too!
Tomorrow we are going to Merida, which is apparently an old Roman walled city. It is the capital of Extremedura (the state I am in) and should be a good trip. Saturday my friends and I are climbing "la montana" or "the mountain" which I think has some religious symbolism but I don't really know. We are going to bring lunch and we bought Fanta limon (why does America not have this stuff?) and some fruity wine drink that is apparently the best girly drink around, and Oreos (the most craved American food of the moment) and will picnic at the top before returning home in the mid-afternoon. I think the boy will have internet this weekend, so I will Skype with him a few last times before he heads off to Afghanistan, which will be really nice.
Tonight my friends and I are going to finalize our spring break plans (get hostels) and then we are going out with some ERASMUS students, so it should be a good night. I don't know how, but almost our whole friend group is falling ill right now. We all have sore throats, are losing our voices, and just in general have lost our energy. I, of course, have fallen victim to it with my champ of an immune system, but it is not too terrible, so hopefully I'll be all better by Saturday to climb the mountain.
On the subject of things America needs to have, here is my list of desires so far:
Fanta Limon. Top of the list for a reason. It's like carbonated lemonade, and it is amazing.
Kinder chocolate. Equivalent to dying and going to heaven.
Trufas. Almost as good as Kinder chocolate.
The heated table. This is a comforter over a small table and a space heater underneath. Where have you been all my life?
Siesta. Who doesn't want a break in the middle of the day?
Public transportation in abundance. Convenient, cheap, and environmentally friendly.
Hostels. For when you just don't want to spend upwards of $100 for a bed.
Good seafood. Maybe this is just the midwest, but seriously, the fish here is so good!
Little cars. Safe, environmentally friendly, and easy to parallel park.
On the flip side, there are some things America has that Europe needs to catch up with:
Hot water. I get it, you like the environment, so do I, but I like my hot shower just a little more.
Heating. See above. (I think this is just a Spain thing, but still)
Dentists. I have seen enough yellow, crooked, rotten teeth for a while.
Showers. Yes, they have them, but they should really start using them more. Again, I know they like the environment, but my nose doesn't appreciate this.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Birthdays, Baths, and the Boy
Today is one of my friend's birthdays! We are going to make her a cake with nutella frosting (because apparently the Spaniards don't have premade frosting) and then we are going out for tapas with the whole gang. It should be a good time. I am excited for it. I am a little sicky today, but I am almost certain it is only because I have only had coffee today and no real food. That probably is not the best decision ever. I am hoping after lunch and siesta I feel better because I don't want to be the sick Debbie Downer at the birthday shenanigans tonight.
In other news: My host mom showered for the first time since I've been here! It was so bad I had to hold my breath when I walked past her. It was terrible.
Yesterday we had a meeting with ERASMUS students, which is basically inter-European exchange. We met some cool kids, and practiced our Spanish a bit, which is always good. We then bought our textbooks, but since we are sharing them 5 ways, it only cost 8 euro each for 2 books. Good deal compared to the 700 I usually spend on a semester's worth of books!
The boy leaves sometime soon. Not sure of exact dates or anything, but it is really hard. The closer it gets the more it hits me. Like today in class it seriously hit me like a ton of bricks. It was bad. I don't really know how I'm going to handle it the day he actually leaves, I just know I am not excited for that day. I guess the sooner he leaves the sooner he is home safe, but I still hate knowing that he is going to war and I can't do anything to keep him safe. I guess I am just so scared that I am not going to do enough to be supportive. Honestly, I have never known anyone who has been deployed in my lifetime (uncles and grandparents before I was born, and I know others in the military, but none who have been deployed). It wouldn't make it any easier having been through it before, but at least I might know what to expect. It is just really hard. All I can do now is pray and hope, I guess. And try to relax and enjoy myself as much as possible.
"A part of you has grown in me, and so you see, it's you and me together forever and never apart, maybe in distance but never in heart." <3
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Trujillo!
Yesterday 14 people in my group went to Trujillo. It was approximately a 45 minute (uncomfortable, hot, sickening) bus ride to the most beautiful place I have ever seen. We went to a castle, a church, Pizarro's house, and a wine and cheese museum (complete with samples) and out to lunch. The weather was beautiful (upwards of 60 degrees and not a cloud in sight) and it was so gorgeous. you could see mountains off in the distance, and the whole landscape was scattered with rocky ledges in the middle of these grassy plains. It was just so beautiful. For lunch we went to a place that came highly recommended (two host families, and several prior visitors). They gave us wine, water, and sparkling water, and then we had an amazing four course meal. Our first course was tortilla patata, salad, bread, and salami. Our second course was your choice of like 8 different things: we shared paella, gazpacho, and macaroni, which was not macaroni noodles but rigatoni in a marinara sauce with sausage. Delicious. For our third course, the meat course, we shared chicken something and beef and tomatoes (and of course both came with french fries because they just love their french fries here!) Then for desert we had our choice of flan, cake, yogurt or ice cream. I was the only one who ordered cake, and he gave me two pieces! I won't argue! All of this was only 15 euro a person! Good luck finding a 4 course dinner in the US for $20! We came home, and I again felt sicky on the bus, but thought it was only the bus. Unfortunately, however, the sickies didn't go away after the bus, so I stayed in last night and feel much better today. I'm a little bummed I missed the black and white party everyone else went to, but I know I'd have been miserable the whole time if I had gone. When I got home I got to talk to the boy a little, which was nice, but somehow he lost his phone throughout the night! I kept trying to get a hold of him and his commander ended up answering.... oops. At least I know he wasn't just ignoring me! He should get his phone back in a few hours (I was promised he'd have it first thing in the morning) so hopefully we can talk again today. I am just staying in and doing homework today (yeah, I have to study here...weird...) and later tonight I think I'm talking to my parents and my sisters.
In funny news, the girl from another program I live with came home last night at like 6 am and for unknown reasons (and she didn't remember doing it) she walked into my room! Haha. I thought it was very funny and I was thoroughly confused. I asked her about it at lunch, and she had to recollection of doing it at all. Made my day a little bit!
Thursday, February 3, 2011
School....what a joke!
So classes have mostly started. One of our professors just hasn't shown up yet, so we had a random hour just sitting in our classroom confused today, but we've had all our other classes. One of our professors is impossible to understand, and one is just sort of a jerk. The other one is awesome. I can understand everything he said, and he taught us drinking games today! Spain is kickass.
I am trying to plan spring break now. Originally I was going to go to Amsterdam, Brussels, and Dijon, but the girl I was going to go to Amsterdam with isn't going anymore, and I don't want to do that alone. I can do Brussels and Dijon alone, but not Amsterdam. So instead one of the guys here and I are going to do Amsterdam after the trip is actually over, and I might to Italy during Semana Santa. I think it would be more fun to be with a group, anyway. I am okay with traveling alone on some weekends or whatever, but for a whole week would be sort of a downer.
Tonight we are going to go out and "fiesta!" and on Saturday we are going to Trujillo. Tomorrow we have some dumb welcome at the University that no one really wants to go to, but after that we might climb the mountain. It'll be a fun time. I am also finally going to talk to my sisters and parents this weekend, and hopefully the boy too! I haven't talked to him all week, so that's been hard, but I've been keeping busy and making awesome friends. Ah, I love love love Spain! And I love watching the news and seeing Snowpocalypse hit Iowa. It's kind of funny from 5000 miles away.
Love from Spain!
I am trying to plan spring break now. Originally I was going to go to Amsterdam, Brussels, and Dijon, but the girl I was going to go to Amsterdam with isn't going anymore, and I don't want to do that alone. I can do Brussels and Dijon alone, but not Amsterdam. So instead one of the guys here and I are going to do Amsterdam after the trip is actually over, and I might to Italy during Semana Santa. I think it would be more fun to be with a group, anyway. I am okay with traveling alone on some weekends or whatever, but for a whole week would be sort of a downer.
Tonight we are going to go out and "fiesta!" and on Saturday we are going to Trujillo. Tomorrow we have some dumb welcome at the University that no one really wants to go to, but after that we might climb the mountain. It'll be a fun time. I am also finally going to talk to my sisters and parents this weekend, and hopefully the boy too! I haven't talked to him all week, so that's been hard, but I've been keeping busy and making awesome friends. Ah, I love love love Spain! And I love watching the news and seeing Snowpocalypse hit Iowa. It's kind of funny from 5000 miles away.
Love from Spain!
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
My Crazy Host Family
Today I talked to the girl from Michigan who is staying here. We rode the bus home from the University together. She told me all about my host family. Apparently, they are insane. I guess the old man is not related to them at all. He has lived here for 2 years and just pays rent. There is also a 19 year old daughter that I did not know existed. She lives with her boyfriend and her newborn baby. Apparently they come to visit for weeks at a time. Weirdest part: I live in a hostel! Apparently they host people all time time: it is mainly a hostel for long stays, and when they aren't hosting students from exchange programs like what I'm on, they open it up as a hostel! Crazy! One day, the Michigan girl told me they were filming at the apartment, but she had no idea why, and they wouldn't tell her what it was for. She was supposed to be interviewed, but she just left and didn't do it, because that's weird. Our host dad works, and our host mom doesn't leave the house or change clothes for weeks at a time. The whole thing just seems very very strange to me! Especially the fact that I live in a hostel!!!
Monday, January 31, 2011
"Classes," Coffee, and Cheap stuff!
Today we supposedly started classes. Really what we did was go to campus and listen to our program coordinator in Caceres talk for 3 hours. In the middle of this we took a "15 minute" break which lasted 45...ahh Spanish time! We don't even know if classes start tomorrow, but we are going to go early assuming that they do. I have all my classes with 4 girls I've been hanging out with a lot, so that is really exciting. We can "study" together. So far our university cafeteria has won the cheapest Cafe con Leche award, which me and one of my friends have made it our mission to find. The most expensive so far has been at the Cafeteria de Caceres, but we need to return there in May to steal a cup that says Caceres on it!
After siesta today me and some friends went shopping. I bought cheap boots, cheap scarves, and a cheap shirt. Everything is on sale now because it's the end of winter and they are bringing in the spring stuff. We also found the grocery store, where one of my friends informed me there are delicious truffles. I bought some, and they are indeed quite tasty. I think I have done my shopping for awhile. Except for gifts and a cookbook. These remain necessities that I will eventually find. I am trying to see if I can plan a trip to Portugal this weekend, but it may be too short of notice to get a group together. We'll see.
Our coordinator told us our trip's motto today: Don't worry. Be happy! This seems to be the Spanish lifestyle: "dont' worry about it....it'll get done eventually..." It's quite nice, actually, and I am a huge fan.
Amor de Espana!
After siesta today me and some friends went shopping. I bought cheap boots, cheap scarves, and a cheap shirt. Everything is on sale now because it's the end of winter and they are bringing in the spring stuff. We also found the grocery store, where one of my friends informed me there are delicious truffles. I bought some, and they are indeed quite tasty. I think I have done my shopping for awhile. Except for gifts and a cookbook. These remain necessities that I will eventually find. I am trying to see if I can plan a trip to Portugal this weekend, but it may be too short of notice to get a group together. We'll see.
Our coordinator told us our trip's motto today: Don't worry. Be happy! This seems to be the Spanish lifestyle: "dont' worry about it....it'll get done eventually..." It's quite nice, actually, and I am a huge fan.
Amor de Espana!
Sunday, January 30, 2011
All About Food
When you go abroad, everyone always asks: How's the food? What do they eat? So here is a list of everything I've eaten so far.
First night: Tortilla patata (think: quiche with tons of potatoes and veggies. YUMM) I thought this was dinner. Then they brought out Pescado y salsa (Fish and salsa) except salsa is apparently just a word for sauce. It was fish in some yellow sauce that had itty bitty baby shrimp in it too. I surprisingly enjoyed it, because I don't normally like fish. The fact that it's fresher helps a lot. Then, as every meal, it ended with fruit and yogurt. This is apparently desert.
Friday: Breakfast of toast and some sweet bread and croissants. I <3 bread, so all delicious! Lunch was again a surprise two course affair. First we had pasta in some marinara sauce (ish) and I want to say sausage in it, but I didn't ask. Then, after I was already full, we had fried chicken breasts. They gave me one and when I was halfway through with it they took it away and said it wasn't fried enough. Then they gave me a whole new one which was "fried perfectly," ie, it was burnt. It was still tasty though, I just couldn't eat the whole thing! Then that night my group went out for tapas, but it wasn't real tapas. We just went to a bar and had squid (rubbery), fried blue cheese (gross), cheese sandwiches (tasty), and proccuito sandwiches (gross proccuito).
Saturday: Breakfast of some tortilla/crepe/pancake thing (don't know, but it was tasty!) and more of the sweet bread. Lunch of pea soup (delicious if you closed your eyes) and ham/duck. It's best not to ask sometimes. Whatever meat it was, it was yummy! Dinner was then little pieces of chicken (bone and all) and french fries. They kept telling me to eat the chicken with my hands, because I was using fork and knife to cut around the bone. But then they ate french fries with a fork. It seems a little backwards to me!
Sunday: breakfast of more of the tortilla/crepe/pancake things and ColaCao (hot chocolate). Rumor has it we are having paella for lunch!
I love the food here, everything they've made me is delicious so far! There's just SO MUCH of it!!
First night: Tortilla patata (think: quiche with tons of potatoes and veggies. YUMM) I thought this was dinner. Then they brought out Pescado y salsa (Fish and salsa) except salsa is apparently just a word for sauce. It was fish in some yellow sauce that had itty bitty baby shrimp in it too. I surprisingly enjoyed it, because I don't normally like fish. The fact that it's fresher helps a lot. Then, as every meal, it ended with fruit and yogurt. This is apparently desert.
Friday: Breakfast of toast and some sweet bread and croissants. I <3 bread, so all delicious! Lunch was again a surprise two course affair. First we had pasta in some marinara sauce (ish) and I want to say sausage in it, but I didn't ask. Then, after I was already full, we had fried chicken breasts. They gave me one and when I was halfway through with it they took it away and said it wasn't fried enough. Then they gave me a whole new one which was "fried perfectly," ie, it was burnt. It was still tasty though, I just couldn't eat the whole thing! Then that night my group went out for tapas, but it wasn't real tapas. We just went to a bar and had squid (rubbery), fried blue cheese (gross), cheese sandwiches (tasty), and proccuito sandwiches (gross proccuito).
Saturday: Breakfast of some tortilla/crepe/pancake thing (don't know, but it was tasty!) and more of the sweet bread. Lunch of pea soup (delicious if you closed your eyes) and ham/duck. It's best not to ask sometimes. Whatever meat it was, it was yummy! Dinner was then little pieces of chicken (bone and all) and french fries. They kept telling me to eat the chicken with my hands, because I was using fork and knife to cut around the bone. But then they ate french fries with a fork. It seems a little backwards to me!
Sunday: breakfast of more of the tortilla/crepe/pancake things and ColaCao (hot chocolate). Rumor has it we are having paella for lunch!
I love the food here, everything they've made me is delicious so far! There's just SO MUCH of it!!
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