Everything Hurts

I probably shouldn't write right now. I'm not in a good place. But I'm going to anyway. Because maybe this is what needs to happen. Maybe I need to remind myself how much it hurts sometimes, and also because I need to remind myself that it gets better, too. So I know, emotions go all sorts of ways, and I can hurt like hell, but I can also float on Cloud 9. I just happen to be at the hurting like hell stage right now.

As I stated in another post, I have had the summer from hell. Another death has been added to that tally. I am in several support groups online for girlfriends, boyfriends, fiances, and spouses of military members. Today, one of those girl's fiance was killed in action in Afghanistan. I just can't handle this anymore. No more. No more. Just come home, already. This war is stupid and unnecessary. This war needs to end. I know I do not know this girl or boy in real life. I talked to her quite a bit outside of that group, but I did not know her personally. I knew her only as the depressed, lonely, anxious fiancee of a US Army Soldier. Her fiance was supposed to be home a month ago. The Army extended his deployment for another month. He was supposed to be home within 2 weeks. He almost made it. He should have made it. He did his time, and the Army extended it. He was supposed to be home already. It wasn't supposed to happen.

Sometimes, I go on to the Department of Defense website. I read the news announcements, where they announce the deaths of service members KIA. I read those names, countless names. Names of men and women I don't know. Whose friends and family I don't know. Who, seemingly, have no impact on my life. But they do. I read these names, and I weep. They are all my heroes. I often think that the military anymore is not a big protective force of our nation. We spend far too much money inefficiently in the military. We send thousands of men and women into dangerous combat missions without the proper equipment, while others are getting issued yet another free camera. We send men and women into combat for 7 months, and then keep them there for 9. We promise them health insurance, and then make them work (not deployed) while they're throwing up from the flu. We give them shots for things no part of the world has seen in decades, but can't give them nyquil. We promise them time with their family, but only if their family meets our definition of one: man, woman, and married. The military is inefficient, and overly, ridiculously bureaucratic. I don't agree with a lot of the crap the military does. But despite all of that, I honor and respect all of the service members. Whether it was patriotism, the desperate desire to get out, or the need to feel like they are doing something worthwhile with their life that drove them to join the military, I do not care the reasoning. They are all my heroes. I may not feel like they're fighting a worthwhile war. I may not agree with the politics of the military at all. But that doesn't matter, and I think that's something a lot of people get confused about. I support and honor the troops so much, but that doesn't mean I support the war. I hate that the military has been stolen by conservatives and war hawks as a "support the war" thing. No. Support the men and women who made the choice to serve the country. Support their families who wait and worry and pray for them. Support those who will never feel the touch of their loved one again. Support the members, even if you don't support the organization, and realize the difference.