Deployment from my view

I am a member of several online support groups for significant others of military men and women. Most of these groups are general groups, but some are the ones geared toward my fiance's job. I have started gravitating more and more to those groups. I am beginning to get frustratingly upset at everyone else. They don't get it. They don't know what it's like. So here it is, what it's like to be the fiancee of an EOD tech in the military.

First off, an explanation. EOD stands for Explosive Ordinance Disposal. This means that these men and women disarm and render safe IEDs, rockets, bombs, mines, and anything else that can, has, or should have exploded. Often this job is done by robots, but it does also involve going down. Right on the ordinance, and disarming it by hand. Sometimes his job involves going out on the scene after an IED explodes and gathering evidence on it to see who made it. Sometimes it involves looking for large weapon caches. Sometimes it involves conflicts with weapons engineers. Sometimes it involves doing any or all of this while being shot at. Have you seen the Hurt Locker? Don't tell the boy I said this, but that's basically what his job is (but he hates that movie so he'll never say so). Sound like fun? No, I don't think so either. It's considered one of the most dangerous jobs in the world.

So what's it like being the one left behind? Horrible. I'm so damn proud of that boy. Most people could never even think about doing something like what he is doing. But goddamn. It is the scariest thing in the world knowing what he does everyday, and knowing what could happen. Men and women lose their sight, lose their hearing, lose their limbs, and die in this career field every week. I haven't slept without nightmares a single night during this deployment. I forget what it's like not to panic. I get a call from his mother, and I automatically assume it's the worst news. I talk to him as much as I can because I don't know if I'll get tomorrow. I cry every day. I worry more than I thought it was possible to worry. He's only deployed for 6 months, but I guarantee you he is in more danger in those 6 months than most men are who deploy for a year.

My heart bursts with pride for him. He trained for two years to get to this point. He's worked his butt off, and I know he loves his job. He saves people. He disarms these ordinances so that they don't explode, so that they don't kill people, so that others may live. He is without a doubt my biggest hero, and my biggest inspiration. I could never do what he does, and most of us couldn't. He does his job so that others can do theirs. He is a hero. He is astounding. I admire him so much. I wish I had others who understood what this felt like. It's a terrible conflict between missing him terribly and wanting him home, and just being so damn proud and knowing he is saving the world. I love him, and admire him, but damn I want him home.