Grievances

Historically change occurs following a public statement of grievances. The founding fathers of the United States did it in the Declaration of Independence. Martin Luther did it in a note stapled to a church door. And I am doing it here. In a blog. That 8 people read. I obviously don't expect the world to change because of this. But this is my list of grievances to the military.

1. I exist. No, I have not married my partner. No we are not legally recognized. But yes I exist. I have been with him through all but 5 months of his military service, through tech school, through an overseas station, through a deployment. I have done it all. So recognize me. Give me access to family resources. Give me access to  assistance. Give me help. Because if I weren't here, he wouldn't be the service member he is.

2. He does not own me. If I say something wrong, assuming it does not violate OPSEC (Operation Security, which basically is a set of rules saying that while they are deployed one should never say exact dates or exact locations) or the Next of Kin notification in the case of injury or death, you just have to deal with it. I did not sign your contract. I did not give you my life. I can bitch and moan and complain about you all I want. Deal. It's not treason, and it's not dangerous information, so leave me alone. Furthermore, if I say something that you deem inappropriate, it sure as hell is not my boy's fault! He does not own what I say. He does not control me or my words. I have heard of hundreds of spouses getting in trouble or getting their service member in trouble for complaints about missing their service member (Not OPSEC or NOK violations). The military punishes the service member because in their minds, the dependents are the responsibility of the service member. I have my own voice. I am not his. He does not have a say in what I say. Deal with it.

3. If you are going to recognize me when I do something wrong you have to recognize me when I do something right.

4. Sexual assault happens in the military, and you need to address that! You can't diagnose victims with a personality disorder, discharge them, and never have to deal with it again. That is the most disgusting thing I have ever heard. You don't solve the thousands of problems with your system by dismissing them and pretending it never happened.

5. Mental health is of utmost importance. You talk a lot about the importance of it, and do little to advocate for it. You fire civilian counselors and mock service members who seek help. You know what happens when mental illness isn't addressed? People beat and kill their families. People lose it and kill 16 Afghan civilians. Do you think it is a problem yet? Then don't mock those who seek help.

6. Do you know how much it kills the service member and their families when you send them on deployments with only a week or two notice? Don't do that shit. This war thing isn't new. Get it together. Plan. Organize. And give us warning.

7. Fix the Next of Kin notification. Punish those who disobey it. Punish them hard! Put all service members in the know of the incident on communication blackout and enforce it like your life depends on it, because I swear to you if anything ever happened to my man and I did not find out by that dark sedan pulling up to my house, your life would depend on it.

8. Fix everything. There isn't an aspect of the military that isn't, in some capacity, broken or breaking. Fix it. Don't just let it be because it's how it's always been. Don't just let it be because it is hard to try to change it. Don't just let it be because of the consequences of speaking out. Fix it because lives depend on it. It is your responsibility to bring these men and women home, and if things within the system are putting men and women at greater danger than they need to be, you have a responsibility to do absolutely everything in your power to change it.

I promise there are a million more, but in the interest of not going too crazy, nor driving one of the 8 people who read this too crazy, I will stop now.