Looking Up

This summer has been hard. Very hard. And those who have died are still dead, and the things that hurt still hurt, but I have finally managed to find hope again. And hope came from two little, crazy, kids, age 5 and 6.

I spent Saturday with the boy's family. His mother, stepfather, sister, brother, brother's girlfriend, brother's kids, and grandparents. Of course, it was sad that the boy couldn't be there, but he did get to Skype with us and watch his nephews open gifts. I don't think he could hear a single thing they said, as they screamed and ran around the whole time, but I know he loved seeing them.

His nephews are absolutely adorable. At one point, I was sitting in the office talking to the boy, and his older nephew (6) came in and sat on my lap to talk to the boy. The kid was squirmy and all over the place conversation wise, but seeing the boy's face when he got to talk to his nephew was absolutely priceless. His eyes just lit up, and he smiled more than I'd seen him smile in weeks. It was the happiest I'd seen him most of this deployment, and it was a wonderful thing to witness. I know the boy loves me and it makes his day every time we talk, but he and I are so lucky to be able to speak nearly every day. He hasn't spoken to his nephews in so long. And the few times he speaks to them, they're so excited and screaming and running around and he can't really get a conversation going, so to see him actually have a conversation with his nephew was precious.

His nephews and I continued to play and hang out the rest of the evening. At night, we all watched a movie, and afterwards I headed home. I hugged and kissed both boys before leaving, telling them goodbye and I would miss them. The oldest boy said "I've missed you every day!" which was adorable, especially since I only just met them at Christmas. As I left the house, the garage door into the house opened back up and both boys were running out after me screaming "I LOVE YOU AUNT ELLYN!" I swear, my heart melted. They told me they loved me, and they called me their aunt even though legally I am not a part of the family, and I swear I about died of cuteness. It was a wonderful ending to the day.

Tomorrow, I start therapy. It's a really great step forward from this slump I've been in. I need it for a lot of things I've talked about before, and a lot of things I will never put in the public's eye, but I know that this is a really good step forward for me, and I am excited to take it.

I guess, I've found hope in all this darkness. And it doesn't undo the horrors that have happened, and it doesn't take away the missing and the pain, but it's the knowledge that maybe I can get better, even if the situation doesn't.